Checkpoints in life

Hymn and carols

2011-12-25T21:01:00.005+08:00

Merry Christmas

The spirit of Christmas fills the world - restaurants, shopping centres. almost all public areas have a hymn or a carol playing in the background to create the ambience for the festival. Choirs and small groups perform in hospitals, community centres and homes for the enjoyment of the less privileged. The music that fills the air is indeed one that brings people to a joyous mood.

It is easy to sing along to the tune and go with the flow of the Christmas mood. What few think about really, is the actual lyrics of the songs. All hymns and carols did not originate purely from a composer's mind. Every sentence, every word is filled with praise to Jesus; the beauty and glory of God which inspires the songs of praise.

Let's take one of these carols as an example

O Sing, choirs of angels,
Sing in exaltation,
Sing all that hear in heaven God's holy word.
Give to our Father glory in the Highest;
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.

A verse that simply runs through the minds and the lips of carolers as they sing without much thought to anything but the enunciation and the melody. But if one examines the meaning behind these words, how powerful and how meaningful it really is!

O sing, choirs of angels, sing in exaltation! The carols aren't meant purely for our own enjoyment, it is meant to exalt God in heaven above! Exalt his Name, exalt His Word, that all may hear His holy Word. Give Him glory while singing, exalt the King in these songs! Come, let us adore Him, adore Christ the LORD for He is the reason for Christmas. He is the one whom we are praising and worshiping whilst singing these carols.

This Christmas, let us sing these hymns and sing these carols, not because they sound nice, or because others are singing it too. Sing it because this season is Christmas, and commemorates the birth of Christ, our King, our Saviour, our Redeemer...

Merry Christmas everybody

Love

2011-11-05T23:10:00.011+08:00

Love - a very simple word with a very complex meaning behind it. Who can fully comprehend the power of love and its impact on people?

There was this 3 month old baby suffering from chronic lung disease, swallowing difficulties and respiratory distress. Everyday, she would be fed through the NG tube; she needed oxygen to support to survive. Everyday, she only sleeps, and occasionally wakes up for minutes before sleeping again, without noting anything around her. Still, her mother would always be there, daily. She would be there by the cot-side just looking at her daughter, ready to attend to her whenever she makes the smallest cry. One day, when the baby was ready to go home, her mum could only grin from ear to ear with a tear of joy in her eye.

This 10 year old girl was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes mellitus. As students, we just went through the motion of asking about her dad about her condition, her signs and symptoms with all the other typical questions. Halfway through the conversation, daddy's eyes notably turned red, his speech started to tremble a little, as he forced out the words: she'll need to take her medicine for the rest of her life...

A 9 year old girl had a rare metabolic disorder. She was not born normal and she would never be normal. While she sat in the bed playing with picture cards, her dad simply sat at the side, looking at her lovingly, smiling whenever his daughter handed him two cards to piece together, picking up the dropped cards without the slightest complain even though this happens non-stop for hours. Her life depended on enzyme replacement therapy every 2 weeks each costing a hefty SGD1500 after subsidy. He told us, "Well, our family simply lives from day to day. Actually, last time the doctor said she would only live up to 5 years old." You could feel within him, that he had mixed feelings of joy and hurt.

This young kid was admitted to the hospital and stayed in the wards for almost a month before he went home. During his stay, he was hyperactive - running around the whole ward, being the big brother to the other kids, finding friends, playing happily. Nobody would guess that he was a victim of child abuse. The day he was discharged, he called out to me (at the bus stop) - my first reflex was to ask, "Wa, going home already ah?" The reply came back rather drearily, "ya..." His eyes were downcast, he evidently preferred to stay in the hospital than at home where he could find ... if i dare say... more love than in the past...

Stories like these aren't uncommon. There are parents who love their children so dearly and rejoice in their recovery. Others are forced to accept the harsh reality that face their children. Still, others do not treasure what they have, and bring sorrow to self and others around them.

Wouldn't it be great if every family is bonded purely by love, love that is modeled upon perfection - patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud; does not dishonour others, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs; doesn't delight in evil but rejoices with the truth; love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres; love that never fails...

Love is so powerful in so many ways. The presence or absence of it can make or break a person. It can build relationships or destroy them. It can make a family everything... or nothing...

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love" - 1 Corinthians 13:13

Show me how to love like You have loved me

Returning to the throne of grace

2011-10-02T12:49:00.008+08:00

"Our church has people with many problems, but we are God's people"

I keep wondering to myself: how many times must we fall from the same mistake before we learn from it? It's always upon looking back after falling where we realise where our mistake lies. We try to learn from it, but for some reason, the lesson doesn't last.

There is just this one thing I need to learn: The pursuit of anything but God almost always translates to misery and dismay. Things don't always turn out how we want them to. At one point, when we expect something and the opposite happens, things just fold in onto us; we're affected greatly, we wonder what or why things went wrong?

This morning, I was half thinking about not going to church~ but I'm so so glad that I went in the end. I realised that in times of failure and brokenness, instead of running and hiding from God, I should seek Him and renew myself in His presence. It was particularly great to see Dr Tan Lai Yong as the speaker today in church - he's always been one figure who's been particularly inspiring to me even though I've heard little about and from him.

God worked within me in wonderful ways at church today. The worship songs appeared to be tailored to my needs. The message was directed to the problem I was experiencing. Although church took the same amount of time today as the past weeks, it felt to me that it was over ... just so fast today.

I just pray that, this encounter I've gone through will once again act as a reminder that God is central; no benefit will come if I prioritize anyone above Him - Him who is greater than all else, Him who I will ultimately bow before at the throne of grace

~~~

Now You are exalted to the highest place

King of the heavens, where one day I'll bow

But for now, I marvel at Your saving grace

And I'm full of praise once again

I'm full of praise once again

And once again I look upon the cross where You died

I'm humbled by Your mercy and I'm broken inside

Once again I thank You, once again I pour out my life

Faith vs. Reality

2011-09-25T15:26:00.002+08:00

If you have faith like a mustard seed, and you tell this mountain to move, it will move.

Went to church today with a heavy heart.

We're always told that when we're in church, worshipping, we should be leaving our baggages and burdens behind, focus our hearts and minds on God. But it's just so hard when your mind is simply elsewhere, thinking about other stuff, concerned about other matters. On another note, it's also so easy to tell others to have faith, to depend on God, to make time for Him and trust that He will multiply your time. But really, how many of us can actually practice that in the face of so many troubles? If I myself am unable to practice it, who am I to preach it others?

Just yesterday, during QT, I was meditating upon prayer and faith. The bible tells of many stories of which men of faith have prayed fervently and God is moved by their prayer and grants them their request. Testimonies from brothers and sisters in Christ also speak of the power of prayer with faith. Then I looked back on myself. How much faith do I actually have? It's a constant struggle indeed.

I only had one simple request yesterday... And when I put reality and nothing else into perspective, I knew that request was never gonna happen. But I knew that if I asked in faith, without doubt, what I ask would have been fulfilled as I'm sure my request would be in line with God's desires. Unfortunately, I knew without doubt... that I had doubts. It's so difficult sometimes, just to pray... in faith. Without doubt.

In the end, I didn't dare think too much. Intellectualism in the kingdom of God almost certainly fails each time. I didn't dare think about the outcome. I just prayed. I'm really not sure how much faith I had at that point. I just asked.

Father, may Your hand and Your grace be upon those who need it.

Romance, reality and repulsion

2011-09-03T18:18:00.002+08:00

Activaid 2011 was a nice insight of how mission work overseas is really like. It was no longer things like: you should go for missions; the people need your help; why providing aid to neighbouring countries is important; the need in the world. No, the speakers there knew one thing: they want to go on missions, and they have been. No more pep talk on pushing people for missions. The conference was on missions, and how they are realistically. What do you want to achieve? How is it going to be done? What are the short term and long term aims? How is finance going to be settled? Very real questions to very real problems.

The second workshop I attended was termed: Avoiding another 'hit and run accident'. There are instances when people go there with good intentions, do a job halfway and leave. Not only do they not help the people, they left an obstacle: a half built and useless concrete buildi... ruin in the middle of their village. So, yea the talk was how to avoid that or the like

One thing the speaker brought up was the progression of how people who want to go on missions go down the route of romance, reality and finally repulsion.

Romance: Yes, missions are really great! I want to go out and help others, to reach out to those who need my help, to hear the marginalised society and give aid in every way possible. I want to build houses for them to live in, toilets for good sanitation and help them find a stable income to break the poverty cycle!

Reality: Well, I can give this family a meal today, but that helps them for one day. They're hungry again tomorrow. The new system implemented for better sanitation is not being accepted by the villagers due to custom and habit. There aren't enough funds to do what I want to. I cannot stay here forever

Repulsion: Missions are stupid. They're absolutely useless. They waste time and they waste resources. All this effort put in will only come to zilch. I'm never going for missions anymore. I'm going to discourage everyone from doing it.

Sounds harsh, but definitely true in some situations. Not only in missions I would say, but also in the wards, in the calling to do Medicine.

On my side, the 'romance' part started very similarly. The passion for learning, for helping others, to heal them, to cure them, to better their lives. Nothing detered me, not even the doctors' advices which all ranged from: bad choice; 36 hour shifts; *shakes head*

'Reality' has set in. Studying isn't easy. Well to be fair I never loved studying. But still, the field of Medicine is just so big. There's so much to know and probing too much into one area leads to a deficiency in another area. It's just not possible to cover everything however hard one may try. But that's only secondary. Learning is a lifelong thing. Even the consultants are learning. Studying is important, but what about our morals, and this big thing about ethics?

The other day in one of the ward rounds, an MO was asking a consultant regarding medical futility versus the law. The discussion went on to talk about negligence, and quoting the consultant...

"There was this case about a guy who went to the doctor for an acute chest pain. The doctor did an ECG, found it was very fuzzy and could not read much from it and decided that the ECG is normal - he discharged the patient and tore up the ECG because it was of no use. The very same day, the patient died due to an AMI. The doctor got stripped of his license, not because he failed to pick up the AMI, but because he tore up the ECG - he had no prove he did an ECG for the patient. If he did not tear up the ECG, the court would have let him go.

You see, there is a difference between negligence and stupidity. If you do not do an ECG for that patient, you are negligent, your title deserves to be stripped. However, if you did an ECG, and the ECG shows a blatant ST elevation in a few leads but you discharge the patient saying there is a no problem, the court cannot charge you. They will just say, doctor, you can't read ECGs. You need more training. They cannot strip you of your title just because you are stupid. They can only do so if you're negligent"

The entire conversation.... I can't find words to describe my reaction. Shocked wouldn't be too accurate. Enlightened isn't right either. I felt like.... although I wanted to judge that consultant, I couldn't. He was very right because that's how the law is. But at the same time, how can a patient's life be lost simply because a doctor is "stupid" but not "negligent"?

Which brings back the thing about reality. Reality is such that nothing is ideal, nothing always goes as planned. Being skilled for the exams is one thing, being skilled in the important areas of service is another.

The scariest part of reality is, the possibility of it progressing to repulsion. I don't want to reach the point where I find the wards repulsive, find studying useless and worst still, find patients irritating.

Romance, reality, repulsion. Out of these, I'm supposing reality is the most applicable because, well, it's reality. What's most important is, integrating romance into reality and shunning repulsion from day to day. That's the ideal, but it definitely is by no means easy. Not with the environment around being so stressful and demanding in one way or another.

God, be my Guide. Be my everlasting Guide I pray.

I love you - sincerely, Jesus

2011-07-29T00:12:00.003+08:00

Today was a great day because of how it ended - a meetup with CF comm 07-08 to celebrate Liz's birthday and a farewell for dear Skyler... A night of laughter and chatter over a buffet: what an amazing way to break the monotony of school :) Best part is, aunty Ros even joined us for dinner and treated us to yoghurt after that hahaha thanks aunty Ros =) =) It seems that the longer we move away from JC, the longer the intervals are for when we are able to meet up as a comm to catch up with one another. Thankfully, little has changed, not our character, not our maturity (lol), not even our valued friendship and hopefully, not our devotion to God either. Being in the company of them definitely is an outlet of stress, thanks CF comm, and take care Skyler!!

Well, the highlight of this post really, is about my trip home given by aunty Ros (many thanks for more than just the car ride :)). Most people are relieved of their stress and worries by pouring it out to the other party. Aunty Ros on the other hand, was able to minister to me just by speaking on and on about seemingly random things. Somehow, these random things were so relevant to the problems and struggles I was currently facing tonight - as if God was using aunty Ros to attend to my needs at such a perfect moment... I've always been amazed about how Godly she is and how God speaks to and through her so clearly every single day...

"... I'm not really a person who knows songs very well, but these words came to my mind one day: I am forever in your life, I'll see you through the seasons... and these words repeated another two times; I began to cry. I asked God, why is it that You are willing to follow me through my whole life? ..."

"... I asked her and found out these words actually came from a song which went: You are forever in my life, You see me through the seasons. But the words that I heard, they came from God, it went I am forever in your life - it was God speaking to me..."

"... then I realised, God is telling me one very simple thing. He keeps telling me, I love you, I love you, I love you..."

My past two posts were just part of my many many thoughts running through my mind in the past few days or maybe weeks. Well, human nature tends to get me analyzing here and there... I attempt to find solutions, explanations or whatever else for the things I face. Sometimes it works, most of the time it leads to more thoughts, more troubles - mostly self inflicted. Going to church, praying more - all seemed to be the right thing to do when doubts arise, but ultimately there just seemed to be this thing within me that wasn't too right.

Tonight I found the answer. I've been looking at so many things and missing the most salient point - I've forgotten that Jesus is repeatedly telling me: I love you, I love you, I love you.

What joy, what comfort all that brings. To just know that the Ruler of the Universe loves me. His unfailing love, the Agape love. Love that surpasses all logic and overcomes all barriers.

God works in strange ways. Sometimes He babysits us through, sometimes he puts us through trials. But ultimately, we know that through all this, He is forever in our life, He'll see us through the seasons, because He loves us. He loves us so dearly. And when these trials have passed, we come out better and stronger. What more can we ask for?

Thank You Father, for the CF comm, for aunty Ros, for the people around me, for the trials You've put me through and above all, for Your unfailing love

Compassion fatigue

2011-07-25T22:43:00.009+08:00

Compassion fatigue (also known as a secondary traumatic stress disorder) is a condition characterised by a gradual lessening of compassion over time. It is common among trauma victims and individuals that work directly with trauma victims. It was first diagnosed in nurses in the 1950s. Sufferers can exhibit several symptoms including hopelessness, a decrease in experiences of pleasure, constant stress and anxiety, and a pervasive negative attitude. This can have detrimental effects on individuals, both professionally and personally, including a decrease in productivity, the inability to focus, and the development of new feelings of incompetency and self doubt - Wikipedia

Today in clinics, one patient came in and spoke these few words that woke me up from my half dazed state "... It's about time I start becoming selfish and think about myself"

She was a teacher in some primary school who had a progressive case of back pain, so much so that now, she is sometimes unable to even walk properly - needless to say, it affects her work. Her work entailed more than just teaching in the primary school. She held a motherly figure amongst the students, acting as a counseller for them, being there for them in all situations, regardless of school or non-school related incidents e.g. she was there for a student who's dad passed away - there for him to cry out because that student didn't want to cry in front of his real mum for fear of worrying or further upsetting her...

And right then, while she was sitting with a terrible pain in her back, her concerns weren't so much focussed on her terrible pain but rather they were on people around her: her family and her job.. or more accurately, her students. The doctor spoke of what was called "compassion fatigue". About how taking up roles such as counselling makes us feel good when we counsel the first or the second person. But what about the 20th person, the 200th person? Can we go on forever counselling these people without us ourselves being affected one way or another?

Today, the doctor ended his clinic past 7pm. Not so much because he had too many patients, but rather because he (very willingly) spent so much time with each and every patient, addressing their concerns and expectations and even going on to talk about their daily lives. I heard from his Medical Officer that he sometimes ends past 9pm. Surely he himself has been or one day would be a victim of this 'compassion fatigue'?

But the thing is, he definitely doesn't seem to be hit by this problem. If going home everyday around 7-9pm is part of his routine, while other doctors are going home before 5pm, surely there is this something that's keeping him going, something that drives him forward to maintain this compassion without being fatigued...

It so happened that this very night, I met my aunt in the wards who was extremely concerned about her mother in law, who was just warded. She was so worried that she even asked me for a "second opinion" about her condition. After a period of (attempting to) giving advice and reassurance, she was so grateful and so relieved just to have me around, explaining things to her - and that's even when she knows that I'm coming from a position that is far from a qualified doctor, and even possibly a misinformed person.

The rewards of this job is definitely great, fulfilling and immesurable to say that very least. But then again, there comes the balance between self and others. While this profession calls for a selfless person, is it really possible to uphold this position when fatigue simply sets in?

~~~Just another one of my random thoughts~~~

On a side note: My aunt ended with: I wouldn't really call myself a Christian, but this time I'm really praying to Him, hoping that He will see her through....

Talk about inspiration

Back in the comfort of God's Hand

2011-07-19T18:52:00.007+08:00

The Godhead, Three in One and One in Three
Fully God and fully Man
Omnipresent and omnipotent
How can man fully understand Your Power and Your glory

The past month of clinicals have been rather easy going, but ironically, at the same time, just plain tiring. Add on the 1 week trip to Hong Kong + needing to catch up (without knowing what to), it was seriously exhausting to say the very least...

After a 1 month hiatus of going to Church, I finally went back last Sunday to the House of God. The feeling of familiarity, comfort and joy simply swept over me once again. I came to realise that the past month of exhaustion was largely due to spiritual emptiness within me, one that couldn't be fulfilled with leisure or rest. Once again, I was reminded of the importance of Christ in one's life and the centrality of Christ in all that we do.

This week in SGH wouldn't have been very different from TTSH if not for the fact that I've relived the joy of resting in God, finding renewal of strength and energy from Him. The smallest things could bring me a cheerful smile, while the toughest things wouldn't bring me down. Not forgetting, He has also blessed me with so many special moments repeatedly and that will definitely keep me going, however tired I may get. Once again, I've begun to recognize and count my blessings around me, giving thanks to Him who is faithful and giving Him the glory that is due.

"If I see, I will believe"

"Believe, and you will see"

Start of year 3

2011-06-13T01:01:00.003+08:00

I recall that a few of my posts made when holidays end are always along the lines of: darn, school is starting, I want more holidays T_T

Well ok.. that still holds true hahaha but one thing I'm really thankful for these hols is that it has been one of my most fulfilling holidays in uni thus far. I managed to catch up with friends from JC and BB while going on trips/outings with uni friends. Time may have flown past, but the time that flew past brought precious memories that will stay. Indeed, God is faithful and blesses infinitely according to His grace. Those kairos moments that I posted about once or twice - I definitely had them. Those moments, however short, were immeasurably special to me and I believe they will be the times I look back on to laugh and smile in times of distress next time.

Well, the post has been rather rushed, coz it's 1am right now, I'm really sleepy and school is starting in <7 hours hahaha but just wanted to make a post before school starts, so here it is! Ok, off to bed for a much needed sleep...

Faith that is more precious than gold

2011-05-29T22:12:00.001+08:00

During the short attachment back at SGH, I met/talked to another few patients. Many of them left me feeling encouraged, left me feeling inspired. But none of them touched me as deeply as one elderly patient, Mdm L.

When I first met her, my very first impression of her was that, she wouldn't hesitate to declare her faith in God, neither would she hesitate to proclaim the gospel and its power. Her clinical condition then, was that she was feeling very breathless, and had to undergo an operation (which was to be done under local anaesthesia) in a non-conventional way which may pose more risks. A few exchanges went something like this...

Doctor: Mdm L, considering how there may be ______ risks, do you still want me to go ahead with the procedure?
Mdm L: Jesus will grant you the wisdom to do it well, go ahead!
~
Doctor: Mdm L, we're almost done. You are very brave! (FYI, even to me, an observer, the operation was so painful just watching it)
Mdm L: God has given me the strength to go through this :)

After the operation, we stayed back to chat with her for a while. Usually patients would talk about their concerns, about their experience so far in the hospital. But this lady here, everything she talked about would be centered around God, God and God. Indeed, she left an impression that would last.

3 days later, when we went back to chat with her, to see how she's doing, it was quite saddening to know that her breathlessness had recurred. Once again, she spoke of God. She spoke of how she has gone out to preach His Word. And how because of that, some of her closest ones have rejected her, and how others have come to know the saving grace of Christ. This time, the one thing that struck me hard was how she recalled God speaking to her 1 year ago saying, "One day, you will die of breathlessness". At that time, she was very confused. She was perfectly well and suddenly, God tells her she'll die of breathlessness one day.

Her current condition: it seemed that the operation 3 days ago only served to alleviate the symptoms without treating the cause (which was under investigation). Mdm L was getting very skeptical about medical science, but while that was so, her faith in God remained as firm as ever. She was crying out to Him, asking Him to bring her home, asking Him to shorten her suffering. She seemed pretty sure that this time, the doctors wouldn't be able to help for the one reason that God is probably calling her home to reward her for her works.

Mdm L told us, "The devil keeps telling me, see, you are suffering so much and God is ignoring you! Just jump down the building now and end your suffering! But God is telling me, you are My daughter and I will bring you home in a few months" She asked us: "Can I ask you? How many months is a few months? Could you tell me? I don't want to feel this way anymore. I want God to bring me home now"

She asked us to pray for her, to pray for God to take her away as soon as possible. Every moment spent talking to Mdm L was heartwrenching. It was so evident that she yearns to see God so much. She yearns for God to bring her to heaven that very moment. Her desire to see God was so overwhelming. At the same time, she was feeling so breathless and in so much pain. One part of me wanted so much to pray for her at that very point in time, to pray with her... But another part of me wondered so greatly, about how I could possibly pray for her, when her prayers would clearly be so much more fervent and so much more broken than my prayers would be.

Mdm L is truly by far, the patient who has touched my heart the most. A patient who has shown me a faith that is so strong and so pure; a love for God that grows with each day, to hunger for Him incessently regardless of her present suffering. Oh LORD, may You see her faith and love for You and honour it...

Post CSFC

2011-04-22T01:01:00.006+08:00

Well sort of. I'm not sure if the exam is counted as part of CSFC...

That being said, exams start in 30 hours time and I have totally no idea how stressed I'm supposed to be. I came out with this theory that, based on the marking scheme, the minimum mark I need to get in order to pass is 25% of the maximum possible mark.

Sounds really easy, but I suppose human nature gets the better of us: we tend to think of the worst case scenario, how we would have to take a re if we fail, and how if we fail the re, we re the whole year and how if we fail the re-year we get kicked out. Yes it just seems to happen all the time for some reason. But practically speaking, that aside, I suppose I STILL want to do well for the exam, not so much because it's a judge of how well I've been studying, but rather because it serves as a marker as to how well I'm getting the hang of my future career ahead.

Anyway, exams aside (they tend to be depressing all the time... somehow...), it's only been a month in the wards and I've seen.. just so much. There are many extremes of the kinds of patients I've seen. There are patients who are cheerful regardless of their (severe) condition; patients who tend to think the worst of their (insignificant) condition; patients who are depressed; patients who bring joy to others; patients who are paralysed; patients who are healthy at the age of 80+ years; the list goes on and on and on...

I've come to realise that, one day, however good I become at taking a history or doing a physical examination, it takes so much more skill and experience to learn and know how to communicate effectively with the various kinds of patients, those with different outlooks of life, those with entirely different personalities. How do you educate a person who thinks smoking is beneficial for him? How do you solve problems within a family, beyond a patient's medical problem? How do you encourage a person who is terminally depressed? How do you continue asking for details from a person who knows he has cancer which gives him only a few more months to live? How do you communicate with a patient who has had a stroke affecting his speech, but is evidently gesturing for... something? How do you deal with.. death?

At first glance, while all these may seem so melancholic, it still brings so much anticipation of the future at the same time. We weren't (at least I wasn't) born knowing how to deal with all these situations but, God being my Guide, I'll pick these skills up slowly. Of course, in life there's always this thing that sets you back no matter how hard you try. For me... well, I guess Chinese always gets the better of me. But THAT aside, I pray that God will continue to enlighten me and nurture me into the person He has called me to be.

~Over every thought, Over every word, May my life reflect the beauty of my LORD~

Mid CSFC

2011-04-13T23:14:00.007+08:00

I realise it's only 10 days to my CSFC exam and I haven't read even 10% of what I'm supposed to have to. Ok but that's besides the point for this post...

Since my last post, I haven't really had any new conclusion, it's still: hospitals are fun, but seriously physically draining. Somehow I feel that my current Med posting is more tiring than the Surg posting even though it's less packed to some extent.. It's more structured too but that also means more tutorials, and poorer quality time spent with patients.

Today I experienced part of what the seniors were talking about: medical students tend to "pounce" on patients the moment they have "good signs". I saw a patient today, led by the doctor in charge of my group, who had pretty severe ascites. Reluctant as she seemed to be, she was sort of oblidged to allow us to examine her as she was once treated by the doctor before. Didn't have much choice then since the doctor told us to proceed... Then there another patient with a goitre - rather rare sight in Singapore nowadays. She was really nice, being perfectly fine with random (and many) medical students examining her neck one after another. That being said, I can imagine how many "visitors" she'll have if this news spreads.

It seems like in the wards, it's always two sides of the same coin when it comes to medical students and patients. From the "practical" viewpoint, spending time with patients benefits them more as they get to express their heartfelt thoughts, while for the student, it'll mean that he gets to see less cases. "Good signs" are definitely good for the learning of a medical student, but on the extreme opposite, that probably means that the patient has a rather severe condition, so much so that he now exhibits the "good signs" that we are expected to pick up.

The list goes on. A chop-chop attitude is considered efficient for students but leave patients feeling they've been "used". Talking to patients whom we clerked in the past makes them happy, but on the contrary it's considered "a waste of time" on the students' side. NOT "spreading the news" of a patient with "good signs" would be considered selfish to students, but a great favour for the particular patient - they sure don't need the exponential growth in "visitors"

Notice the extensive use of apostrophes so far. It's not to say that these words within the apostrophes aren't meant literally. They are. It's just that, there is so much more meaning that is left out in those words. Wasting time isn't the smartest thing to do when your exams are coming, neither is not approaching patients with good signs very wise if learning is to be possible. But is talking to patients really a waste of time? Is it right to bother a patient just because he has good signs (considering group after group of medical students have approached them already)?

The balance has to be made, between learning and patient welfare. But as of now, I believe that patient welfare is top priority. God won't fault me for not learning everything; the world of medicine is endless anyway. But I believe it isn't right to learn at the expense of the patient's wishes.

Just another random reflection from CSFC~~

Reflections from CSFC week 1

2011-04-02T00:57:00.003+08:00

It's been a really tiring week, mostly self-inflicted I would say. But I suppose at the end of this week, I've seen much more than I have over the past 2 years, and learnt much more than I would have over the course of 10 PBP sessions. Practical really puts more perspective and more purpose than dry text. I gave some thought about the past week though... and so I've reached the conclusion that...

Awesome as it has been, it has also been a tad depressing... somewhat. I'll use three patients that I clerked as examples...

I clerked Mr A. on Tuesday. One of the standard cases - obstructive jaundice. Went back to see him on Weds, his pain and cough was gone, he was feeling better. Then I went back today to see him again, found out he had diarrhea, with the case notes suggesting sepsis and hepatic encephalopathy

I saw Mr B. for the first time on Thursday. An elderly man, with children who wouldn't support him. Monthly income of <$1000; government rejected his multiple applications for a HDB flat.

Ms C. had SLE. She was really cheerful, really helpful. I was probably the countless medical student who approached her to ask for a history. One question and the entire history came out, filled with medical terms and information that taught us much. On that day, she was awaiting results - which came out the following day. Her previously controlled condition had progressed to cerebral lupus. A very poor prognosis indeed

I think about such cases and then I think back on my goal of striving to be a doctor. Much as medical science can do, it cannot solve chronic conditions, it cannot solve end stage diseases and all the more, it cannot solve social problems.

People talk about how great doctors are, how they have the 'ability' to heal and how they are able to change lives. But really, what can doctors do for these things? Nothing I would say. Simply nothing. While all these glorious talk is going on, what people don't talk about is how helpless the healthcare profession is when faced with these problems. Paliative care doesn't heal, it relieves. Financial aid has its flaws, as evident from the elderly man's case. Medical science right now tells you that you have a chronic/end-stage disease and it leaves you there - no cure.

So what really is the purpose of health care workers? With much thought, the best answer I can find is that, we treat those that we can. For those whom we can't, we'll have to support them emotionally, if possible, financially. Thing is, there's always a limit. How much time can you actually spend with one patient when there are hundreds and thousands more out there who need someone to speak to, but don't? How much aid can we give to one person, how much do we help each one of them?

I think back to the story of a boy and the beach of starfishes...

~~~
Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into
the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."
~~~

I suppose, that'll be a good way to end this post. It's a long journey ahead. And it'll a journey guided by God. LORD, may You guide my steps, my speech and my heart.

CSFC

2011-03-29T21:44:00.010+08:00

Day 2 of CSFC. Madness would be a good one word summary.

That being said, clinicals has been even better than I visualised it to be. The majority of the consensus I see about clinicals is that it kinda sucks - tiring and the like.

Personally, I feel that it's really a change from the standard lecture theatre setting, just sitting down, copying notes like a robot - information goes in from one ear, and comes out the other, only translating to words on distributed notes with nothing staying in the brain...

Although it's only been the second day, just these 2 days have shown me a totally different side of medicine. It's no longer as dead as before, being confined only to notes or at best, simulated patients. Being in the wards have shown me so much more, allowing me to empathise so much more with the patients, personally talking to them and examining them. Of course, I'm just one of those noobs knowing nothing. Difference is, I'm learning so much more and I believe that, over the course of the next few years, there'll be even more to learn, even more to discover and so much more room for improvement

Physically though, it's exhausting to say the very least. It's probably as tiring as the most tiring day I've had in school, just that it's happening/will be happening everyday. But I guess the important thing is, overall, I believe I'm enjoying myself much more now than I was in the past two years. Another big step in realising the joy of being in this profession. A calling indeed. One doctor today called it being self-righteous by saying it's a calling. I call it the perfect will of God.

Fatigue aside, I'm definitely looking forward to the future days, months and years ahead.

God and disasters

2011-03-14T01:16:00.002+08:00

Much talk and much news have been going on about the earthquake in Japan, and the tsunamis that are arising because of it. Here in the comfort of my own home, I'm nowhere in the position to empathise with those in Japan who are suffering, those who are dying due to lack of shelter, lack of food and the bare essentials. Death toll over a thousand and many more to come due to poor sanitation, outbreaks of infection and more. And that's not even considering the social and economical impact in the long run...

All these have led me to think back once again on one of the many questions I asked in the past... Why does God allow natural disasters to happen?

I've been thinking and I've been reading and I can't find the answer. There are so many... just so many different "answers" out there including some of mine that may~ seem to answer these, but none of them really fit too well

If all things are for the glory of God... how does this glorify God?
If all things work for the good of those who love Him... how does this work out for the good of those who love Him?
The list goes on.

We ask so many questions like that, hoping to find an answer but at the end of the day, they serve to do nothing and may even stumble us... I'm reminded of this phrase that I read somewhere before: "Sometimes it's not so much about finding the right answers, but rather asking the right questions" The point here is, are we asking the right questions? Are we meant to know the answers to the above questions in this lifetime? Perhaps not. We may not understand the answer even if we were told the answer in our faces anyway. Afterall, in Isaiah 55:8-9 we are told, "For My thoughts are are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth , so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts". We can only trust God and believe that He will make all things beautiful in His time...

Maybe the right question right now, and probably the more practical question right now would be, what can we do to help?

If even us, the creations of God are able to grieve for the people in Japan right now, people totally unrelated to us, people whom we don't know and never will, oh how many times more will God grieve for them? How many times more pain does His heart feel for them than we do? What can we do from over here? We can only pray. Brothers and sisters, let us pray for the people in Japan who are suffering right now. Let us pray for aid to reach them, pray for their safety, pray for their families. Let us pray with all our hearts...

Reminiscence

2011-03-09T13:10:00.007+08:00

HAHAHA. I just went through my junk mail and received a notification from blogger that I had an old account which was about to be inactivated.. I went to the link only to find that probably 10 years ago I made a blog on battle on - another of those silly online RPGs. Went back to visit it and remembered that back then I wanted to make a game guide for that particular game on all the weapons spells armour etc in the game. Thinking back, I remember calculating something like I'll need say 10m gold to buy everything to test things out and was determined to do it... even though I took a few months just to farm 100k gold

Sigh~ memories from the past sometimes do evoke some laughter... Which actually reminded me that back then... I was so interested in gaming (much more so than now) that I aspired to be a computer game designer... I actually had a rough idea of an RPG... thinking of how I could make my very first game, upload it for people to get it free online and then grow from there. Then I started reading up on software programming and sorts, 99% of which was too complicated for an adolescent to understand. But one thing then was pretty sure: I had lofty dreams.. and more noticably so - I actually had time to do that nonsense.

Just a random thought: I wonder if God has ever called anybody into the gaming industry? Heh. That'll be rather interesting. Both from the perspective of the one being called and from how God would be able to work through that person in that particular industry

As for me, I know my calling. I'm rather content now with just playing games now and then when time allows rather than making them (especially since I've seen how you can never please even 80% of a player database with whatever you do). And definitely, I'm 100% content with where I am right now for I know this is where God has placed me. Coming back to the 'lofty dreams' part, being a doctor was yet another of my childhood ambitions... and I believe this passion was placed in me way before I even knew God for who He is.

Ok. Enough of the past. Back to the present. Exams are in 8 days and I'm nowhere near as stressed as I'm supposed to be even though I know I'll only be completing 1 round of study with no revision... Good or bad? I don't know. But I pray that once again, God will help me through this paper.

16 days to pros

2011-03-01T13:22:00.002+08:00

First of all - Happy birthday AC =)

Just did a rough plan on how I'm going to cover my whole syllabus within the next 16 days; crap. I'm quite screwed heh. So much for taking it easy the past few days. On the brighter side, my studying pace has been picking up quite appreciably although not satisfactorily. It'll get better I believe... or I hope.

Averaging 10 hours of sleep a day. Now if only that could be translated into better productivity and better quality in studying.

Study~study~study - may seem like a mundane thing to me now, but if I could only just view it... as something required in future... to know what's happening in every patient before me... maybe that ought to be my motivation; rather than just studying to pass

So how does it all add up?

2011-02-22T23:08:00.002+08:00

VCF today and dinner with couple of VCF seniors + batch mates yesterday. Put this two together and I got myself thinking quite a fair bit...

My thoughts have been revolving around commitments to VCF and academics... oriented more towards the long term view of it.. Many questions have surfaced; many can't be answered; those that can only serve to generate more questions

-VCF-
It doesn't really take much of a rational person to feel that going for VCF is "a waste of time". Considering how e.g. today, I'm back at 10.30pm, all drained and tired, knowing I need to study but simply am unable to focus. And also how the cell group/bible study discussions aren't exactly the way I expected it to be when I first joined (but definitely not implying it isn't good). Then after that comes the need for people to step up into leadership positions, of which I'm totally unsure if I can commit, or even be up to the mark for it

Now of course, those points alone would probably mean that I should have quit eons ago. But then, I come to think about how the fellowship within VCF is so warm and so cheerful; it's yet another avenue of which I can remain grounded in the Word; and the part that I sort of enjoy are parts where there are discussions, tending somewhat towards the theological side where there are differing opinions and views... nobody knows for sure who is right or wrong except God Himself. One such example: Did Jesus die for the elect, or for every single person? (and somewhere for the cats and dogs too came in o.O) It's discussions like these which lead me to probe further, and to know the Bible better. Not forgetting too that there are occassional reminders being thrown out here and there during group discussions about our daily lives and spiritual lives.

I'm supposing that the overall picture comes to what I'm doing now: Go for VCF when I'm in school (since I'm there already anyway) and probably play the disappearing act when I'm not. It all seems good, until the question about CGLing comes up. No way can I maintain this pattern of attendance if I'm to lead a group. Which brings up more questions: Am I able to commit time to VCF as a CGL? Will I even be alert enough during the sessions considering how clinicals will be so much more drianing? And most importantly: Am I spiritually mature enough to lead a group? - to the last question, I'ld doubt it.

Then comes the questions for the academic part... most of which stemmed from the dinner yesterday. Summing it all up into a bunch of questions:
~ How important, really, are grades?
~ And again, how important are they, after considering the new residency programme?
~ What is it, that we truly hope to achieve after these 5 years?
~ Do we know how exactly life would be like next time? As a GP, as a specialist?
~ Looking not so far ahead: do we/would we fully understand and empathise with the patients in the bed, who are "at the mercy" of medical students?

I was thinking about all these issues on the way home in the train... Unfortunately, instead of finding answers, my thoughts drifted to how my life has changed since uni started... I realised that since the start of uni, I haven't really had much time to think about such problems. School days were effectively burned, holidays were spent either studying or doing things that would never otherwise get done during school days e.g. going overseas, catching up with past friends etc

And how about the upcoming years? Life doesn't seem like it'll get much better. Now add on the fact that I'm currently studying at a pathetically slow rate (which would 101% mean supps if I keep this up) and the fact that, for an unkown reason, I've been ravaged by the sleep monster lately (12 hours of sleep a day would seem just sufficient for me now =s)... I really don't know where I'm currently at... ... ... And oh dear. I just remembered EAMSC too. Did I really make a bad decision joining?

So how does all this add up? Sigh~ questions, more questions and lack of time. Isn't this an evergreen phenomenon? I really don't know when I'll get the chance to find answers but somewhere, somehow, sometime I'll have to

The 27 hour day

2011-02-12T15:34:00.004+08:00

From 7am to 10am.

Sequence of events went from uneventful school to EAMSC interview, on to Worship Under The Stars at ACJC and then to the crazy bunch of rangers.

Thinking about whether to apply to the EAMSC comm was really a tough decision. It all had to do with thinking of how it would all balance out: EAMSC, school/clinicals, VCF. On one hand, it would be lots of fun and a load of experiencing + networking gained for being part of EAMSC while on the other hand, that would mean less time, less energy and less commitments in other areas... most notably school and VCF - at least for what i foresaw. In the end, I decided that I would just apply, and if God wills it, I'll get through the interview to be selected.

Today (after waking up at 2+pm =x) I read the sms came in - that I'm in the committee. With whatever thinking capacity I had in my sleepy state, I looked into still air as I wondered about the coming year (and also a bit on how come I got a similar but still different post from what I applied for o.O). Even right now, the planning stage has already begun and I fear to think of how busy things will get in the coming year. But as always, I take comfort in the fact that God would never put me into something without giving me the strength to go through it

Worship Under The Stars~ and a ceiling. The event was moved to the hall due to rain even though at 7pm there was zero rain left falling. Oh well, it was still great to back in ACJC, feeling the nostalgia as I walked past the north lodge, concourse, field etc. Great to see seniors, juniors and techers once again and most of all, the experience of worshipping God back in the hall. Then during the short sermon, I suddenly found out that =O i'm a J5. Gosh. Time flies. It was so long ago that I was still having fun in ACJC, virtually free of stress (at least compared to now) and so much more carefree. Time changes so many things...

Proceeded on to dhoby ghaut after that to meet up with the bunch of crazy people who choose to meet at 10pm instead of 10am. A night of LAN, movie and coffee + later breakfast... I'm thinking - for how long more would I be able to do this? But then again, I would rather stick to the standard afternoon meeting time even if there somehow is time for me to do it again lol

So ended up coming home, and by 10+, concussing on my bed after a refreshing shower. Such days are tiring, but usually the most tiring days are the most fulfilling days :) How nice if everyday was devoted to worshipping God and meeting friends... yea, that'll be good... mm... ok i'm back to reality

The coming academic year... or even now will probably will be much terribly busier than before due to EAMSC but I believe that God will provide. And in all things, I shall aim to do things for Him and not for man. LORD, may You see me through with Your blessings

The past month

2011-01-30T16:17:00.003+08:00

Since my last post, many things have come and gone, main highlights being CA2 and yesterday.

So i was wondering why I thought my CA2 will be just as good or rather, just as bad as my CA1 even though the syllabus was supposedly much more easy going.. then I realised that I only spent half the time studying for it than I did for CA1. Which reminds me, I better get back to studying for finals >_>

But it seems like the past 1 and a half years odd in uni has really changed my tolerance level for stress... to the extent where I can actually continue studying just that wee bit below the pace at which I would burn out at and sustain it for a whole week or possibly more... to the extent where (sadly enough) there isn't really much joy left in finishing an exam anymore knowing that the next one is just around the corner.

If you ask me, I would say that I wouldn't really expect anything from my exams. I believe that as long as I put in my personal best, God will honour my efforts and give me what He thinks that I deserve or what I need... especially so since He was the One who led me to this course

Post-CA lectures as usual aren't exactly too forgiving but again, it's probably how things are and will be for some time. Not too much point mulling over it

Yesterday was quite a packed night for me, two 21st parties (+1 more psuedo 21st ... greeting.) and a nussu bash at st james'. Nothing much to say about that day really, except that it was good to have the company of friends, both past and present, and enjoy the fun and laughter that they bring =)

Most notably yesterday, was actually how I very very nearly got into an accident... shan't touch on the details, but oh how I was reminded about how silly mistakes that I make sometimes can result in dire consequences and more so, how God protects me each time I make a mistake... Thank You LORD for keeping me safe, just thank You so so much...

Once again I want to give thanks to God for seeing me through the past month and the grace that so freely showers upon me each day. Lessons and studying may not be the most enjoyable thing to do but I'll still do it for Him

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God" - 1 Corinthians 10:31

Midnight - school starts today

2011-01-02T23:59:00.005+08:00

And an update.... ok so I've only completed 8 hours out of the 14 i wanted to heh. Blame it on my lack of perseverance. Things were going well on the first 2 days; 3.5 hours of webcast + study of related notes... personally that's a huge wow on my side considering how badly i've been studying XD

Then today and yesterday I just refused to study so much coz it was just so draining (12 hours of sleep a day up from 9-10 can more than testify to that). So I ended up doing only 1 more hour over the 2 days. how productive lol

Ok, so I've got to catch up on quite a bit once school starts... God has already given me a glimpse of what He can do with a bummer like me within those two days, so I believe that over the next 2.5 weeks that I have before the exams, He'll definitely show me more of just what He can do.

Anyways, school is starting in just over 8 hours and here I am still on the comp... Maybe I should have tried correcting my sleep-at-4am-wake-up-past-12 habit before today. From the looks of it (+ how I really still need 10 hours of sleep or more), chances are I'll just end up zombified again in school tomorrow. What's new right

Academics aside, the past week has been rather trying for me spiritually... Many things happening concurrently and yet independent of each other. So much for trying to concentrate on the task at hand. But I've been through worst storms; The God who has seen me through the past storms will definitely see me through this period as well.

Again, I'll see how things go, as of now, I'm better off lamenting on how 1 month of hoilidays (which is really a not so cleverly disguised study break) pass as fast as 1 week of school. Back to the study mood from tomorrow... sigh~

School's starting =(

2010-12-30T14:05:00.003+08:00

So I was thinking... I've kinda bummed away the whole of December, not much study done. Heck, even those who went overseas have studied more than me LOL.

Last night I was doing some mental planning... I've got today, 31st, 1st and 2nd until school starts on the 3rd... And I figured I will probably only finish 30-50% of what school has covered so far before more comes - so screwed =x

But somehow, something triggered me to push for a little (or not so) bit more. To put my fatih in God and believe He'll help me with my studies. And so last night... I've decided that within these 4 days, I'll aim to complete 14 hours of webcast AND study that much worth of notes after the webcast. (For the record, I've only completed 6 hours of webcast + those notes over the past 2 weeks) That's a rough estimate of about a 8 fold increase in my study pace. Ugh~ God help me. I believe You can.

Blessed is the 25th of December

2010-12-25T21:25:00.002+08:00

For on this day, 2010 years ago, the Saviour was born to us

"For to us a Child is born, to us a Son is given; and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace" - Isaiah 9:6

Who can even begin to perceive the greatness, the power and the majesty that descended to this earth to be with mankind instead of staying in the glory that He enjoyed in heaven?

On this faithful day, He came to dwell amongst man, to experience our hurts and pains, to understand the temptation we face, to go through all that we've been through and will go through. Despite all this, He remained sinless, holy and blameless before the Father, only to become the Lamb who was the Perfect Sacrifice for our sin.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have One who has been tempted in every way, just as we are — yet was without sin" - Hebrews 4:15

"We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all" - Isaiah 53:6

Let us not forget that the spirit of giving during Christmas stemmed from the ultimate gift that was given to all of mankind about 2000 years ago. And even more so, let's not forget to continually give thanks, praises, honour and glory to the One who became our gift of life.

Happy birthday Jesus :)

The past week

2010-12-05T18:54:00.004+08:00

Hmm... where should I start... the week has been so packed (the main culprit being playhouse - although it was quite a fun and fulfilling experience) for me with so many things happening one after another

Playhouse was indeed an eye-opener (the actual play that is) and although I got pulled in at the last minute to help out with the sets/crew (aka saikang) it was definitely time worth spending: both with friends, and getting to know others better + getting to know new people. It was terribly exhausting but I would say that overall, it was a worthy investment

I remember how just last week I had been so bothered and disturbed about countless things (playhouse aside) that made me so stressed and almost jaded to the world around me. I sought the help of my parents, seniors, to some extent friends, and the counsel of God - All of which appeared to come to naught.

It was only until this week (or towards the end of last week... can't rmbr) that things started falling into place. And much more beautifully than I had expected or even wished for.

Once again, through the course of this week, God's grace has shone through my life and I am extremely grateful to Him~ The next 3-4 weeks ahead seem to be relatively more relaxed and less demanding than the past week... Maybe its time I started studying again after going through the avalanche of events

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. - Ecclesiastes 3:11"

It's finally overrr

2010-11-11T00:48:00.004+08:00

Thank God that CA1 is over. Really - thank You God.

This period of studying has been so extremely exhausting, almost comparable to my pros last year if not worst. By right I should be sleeping now given how my body doesn't normally function a full day with 2.5 hours of sleep after being sleep deprived for the past 1 week. But I just thought that I have to blog this post tonight, to say a special thank you, not only to the Most High but also to every single one of my friends who has seen me through this period.

When things get tough, demoralising and overhwelming, it's simply impossible to contain everything within me and to continue struggling ahead alone. It's in times like these, where the smallest things from friends can be the greatest encouragement. Be it a nudge on msn, a 3 minute htht or even a simple sms, I would like to say that every one of these is greatly appreciated :) A little smile can go a long way especially in the face of not-so-kind bacteria and viruses and drugs that just don't make any sense. To all of you out there, here's a big thanks =D

Just came home relatively late after a mindless chill-out with friends at a Holland V playground. Although I was (and am) really shagged out, just the company of friends (+ the random chatter) was sufficient to keep me awake. Made me realise once again how school would be so unbearable without the people around me. So once again, thanks for the fun, cheer and laughter that all of you place in school life :)

And last but definitely not the least, to Him who has seen me through countless obstacles and hurdles, the biggest thank You to You LORD Jesus :) Thank You for Your unfailing sustainance, thank You for Your unfailing love and assurance that You give me daily. Thank You for everything You have done for me and everything You have given to me. Thank You, thank You.

Ok that felt strangely like some grammy awards thing. Nitez.

Through Him alone

2010-11-03T22:22:00.006+08:00

Less than a week to exams; terribly behind schedule; don't even know why I'm blogging now... maybe I'm just too exhausted to continue... mentally, physically, hopefully not spiritually...

I tried studying in the library today.. for >5 hours for once. Not too bad, except for the fact that I was just way too tired to continue at one point... I went out for some fresh air, to do some on-the-spot QT with God, seeking rest and refreshment. A simple prayer relieved me of my stress and perhaps that bit of frustration that was building up due to the time constrain. Pity all this just seemed to overwhelm me again the moment I sat down to study again.

Ok so far the post has been really emo. I know. Problem is, even right now, while I'm supposed to be mugging my head off, the drive to continue just isn't there. Well of course, the general cohort isn't much better off either I suppose. Everybody's rushing for time, everybody's all stressed out. Once again, my comfort comes from the LORD who promises to be with me throughout. I need the faith to trust in this promise of His and cling on to it as I plunge back in to material that's totally greek. (or latin actually)

Quoted slightly out of context, but it's still an encouraging verse to me :)
“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” - Matthew 19:26

Father, I pray You give me the strength that I need to continue. May my soul find rest in You, may my eyes continue to look upon You for the grace that You so freely give. Renew me daily LORD, as I strive to press on ahead on the road that You have set me on.

How to avoid drifting from God

2010-10-22T13:06:00.004+08:00

Just watched a video posted by "The Bible" on facebook... it's entitled as this post is. Key verse: I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing - John 15:5

It's true that apart from Him we can do nothing... The dude in the video described how sometimes we're like a balloon which is all puffed up and the huge words are displayed - Smile :) Jesus loves you. Thing is, sometimes when we are deflated, the balloon just becomes that small crummy piece of rubber, the words shrink too and the words - Smile :) Jesus loves you becomes so shrivelled up that it becomes unnoticable. The truth still remains, but it just becomes so small in our sight that we forget about Him. We forget our God and we drift away...

Apart from Him, I can do nothing. It's a gentle reminder that even in this exam period, as things start to get stressful once again, I'll have to remain in Him if I ever wish to accomplish anything in the exams... or even in this study period for the matter.

Just Let Me Say

2010-10-12T23:22:00.002+08:00

New song I learnt today in VCF FT... Nice song; wonderful lyrics~

Just let me say how much I love You
Let me speak of Your mercy and grace
Just let me live in a shadow of Your beauty
Let me see You face to face

And the earth will shake as Your Word goes forth
And the heavens will tremble and fall
But let me say how much I love You
Oh my Savior, my Lord and Friend

Just let me hear Your finest whispers
As You gently call my name
And let me see Your power and Your glory
Let me feel Your spirit's flame

Let me find You in the desert
Till this sand is holy ground
And I am found completely surrendered
To You my Lord and Friend

So let me say how much I love You
With all my heart I long for You
For I am caught in this passion of knowing
This endless love I've found in You

And the depth of grace, the forgiveness found
To be called a child of God
Just makes me say how much I love You
Oh my Savior, my Lord and Friend (x2)

Just makes me say how much I love You
Oh my Savior, my Lord and Friend

Ploughing ahead

2010-09-29T21:37:00.004+08:00

It's only been three days into school and things are already happening at bullet train speed. Not just academically, although that too has just been overwhelming. But the things happening around me aren't just academically centred.

In this short period of time, there's been so much going on, some were joyous occasions, others were somewhat more emotionally-draining. The common question to all these now, are: Where do I go from there?

Doors that used to be open are now closed, other closed doors are now opening, while doors which were never there are now starting to appear. It's all a haze when I start to think about my possible options and the different available routes. Weighing pros to cons, cost to benefit, there are so many things that I simply cannot put into perspective; worst still, it's all happening in this short timeframe. I'm currently at that point where i'm in between attempting to solve my problems and being jaded by what's happening. At times I just wish I could adopt the escapist attitude and find a window to throw things out rather than decide on which door to take. Or better still, if only God would just lay before me a bright red carpet towards the best door to go through and usher me in...

The only hope that is keeping me going now is that God has promised to be faithful and guide me in my steps.

"That is why we are not discouraged. Though outwardly we are wearing out inwardly we are renewed day by day" - 2 Corinthians 4:16

Random before school thoughts

2010-09-25T23:46:00.007+08:00

Ok, so I aimed to finish the whole Abbas textbook during recess week and ended up finishing a quarter so far. How productive. So what do I do when I can't study/don't feel like studying? I do other things =D

So.. I dug up an old link that I saved for reading some 1 year ago and finally brought it up to read again. It's titled: Do Evil and Suffering Disprove the Existence of God? Pretty interesting read, although heavy on the mind if you try to analyze it... If you do read it though, the links on the page itself are broken so you'll have to change the number on the URL from 1>2>3 to go to pg 1/2/3 respectively

Anyways, I read it through, and on page 3, there was this line that sort of impacted me a decent bit:

"A child who is hurting needs, not an intellectual explanation, but reassurance"

I'm reminded of the times when I question God why, why and why. Up to now, I still don't have answers to many of the 'why's but I find that, each time I did slip into that mayhem of confusion and distress, the way I climbed out of it, wasn't by answers but rather by the reassurance by God. Answers would seem to be a better comfort but then, answers do lead to more questions. It's a never ending cycle.

In the same way, I find that whenever things start to weigh down, when it seems the whole world just comes crashing down, it's the reassurance of God that keeps me going. Even right now, as I'm on a sian/emo-streak with that void of emptiness within me, I pray that God will reasssure me of His unfailing love, His ever-lasting grace and His divinest comfort.

Sigh~ so much more to write about but I suppose I better get back to studying. Recess week wasn't too fulfilling; I wish I had another one. But I suppose having one week is better than nothing... From the optimistic viewpoint, there's still Sunday tomorrow =O

Edit: I just finished reading the last part of it and came across this line: "In addition, many Christians will testify that Christ provides inner resources to cope, as well as joy in the midst of difficulties and suffering when we trust Him. And He promises that He causes all things to work together for good to those who love God." Amen! :D

VCF Fellowship Talk 140910

2010-09-14T22:56:00.002+08:00

----------------------------------------------------------
Always put God first in everything you do;
Never make studying your first priority
- Professor Lockhart
----------------------------------------------------------

Completing the Mission

2010-08-22T19:49:00.003+08:00

That was today's sermon topic. It was my first time back to church in 3 weeks.. Past 2 weeks I didn't go because I overlslept/was down with a terible flu. But thank God that I went to church today. The sermon really served as a timely reminder to me about the race that I'm running...

It's only been 2 weeks into school and I'm already so overwhelmed and flabbergasted by lectures, tutorials, practicals etc. Not to mention the fact that I should be studying already by now but just don't have the discipline to start. It seems like this year is very much like the previous year where I enter the year with the determination to do well and the resolution to study hard/harder but very soon the mundane school work just drains every little bit of drive and passion in me, leaving me as the average guy who just wishes to get over each day of school, hoping for the holidays to come once again.

Today's sermon was by a missionary who was called by God to serve in another country, outside his comfort zone. Much of the missions involved reaching out to the poorest people, the ones marginalised from society; people whom we wouldn't give a second look to. Medical work was one of the many ways that help was extended to them. The videos and testimonies which were presented to us reminded me so greatly of the very fact as to why I wanted to do Medicine - to serve God and His people.

Time and again in MCF, I've been reminded by the sharings never to lose sight of the purpose as to why we're doing Medicine. Problem is, as forgetful people, it becomes so common to do exactly that.

Once again, I'm thankful that I went to church this morning as I was really touched by the preacher's sharing and words regarding the various activities that he participated in. It really serves to rekindle the passion I had for Medicine before the academic year even started last year... And I pray that this passion in me will not die out again due to the hectic school life.

T_T

2010-07-31T18:22:00.003+08:00

School's starting =( I've been wanting to post about so many different things but somehow my mind keeps getting blocked when I start. Oh holidays why are you so short~

Past, present, future

2010-06-01T18:15:00.008+08:00

It's been about 2 weeks into holidays now, and I've been asked by a quite a number of people what I've been up to during the holidays...

I've been surprisingly busy during this period, although definitely nowhere as stressed as I was before the exam period. Today is perhaps one of the moments I have to do my own things at home.

Thinking back, it's been a rather long journey since the release of the A level results till now. Events ranging from the anticipation and uncertainty in the ACJC hall, to the hasty preparation of documents for NUS in the midst of the ever so demanding army, and then to the toughest time of my life (education wise). All this together with the occassional problems and newly found friendships - it's been quite a journey for the past 18 months. Happiness and sadness, stress and calmness, highs and lows, you name it, I've probably gone through it during this period.

Had a VCF gathering yesterday. That, coupled with my QT, led me to remember how God has been so faithful throughout my first uni year. Not only in that, but also in the path He has set for me to follow to this course even before entering uni, perhaps even before JC or even earlier - who knows. A night of thanksgiving, praise and worship... so much He gives to us, so little we can give back. Which reminds me how much more I should dedicate more time to Him even in the midst of the hectic school life, and especially so now.

Holiday plans... no plans to go overseas. Not much regrets there, considering the number of things I want to get done. It's kinda creepy to know that this will be the longest holiday ever in the remainder of my life, save for retirement =x Not like hearing stories from my seniors about their life helps in anything too hahaha. One thing is for sure though, this holiday is one that's to be treasured.

As always, the path ahead is unknown except for the rough idea regarding the challenges i'll be facing. My only source of comfort comes from Him who promises to be faithful, now and forever more.

I said to the man
who stood at the gate of the year
“Give me a light that I may tread safely
into the unknown.”
And he replied:” Go out into the darkness
and put your hand into the hand of God.
That shall be better than light
and safer than a known way!”
So I went forth and finding the Hand of God
trod gladly into the night.
M. Louise Haskins (1875-1957)

Post pros

2010-05-19T22:51:00.005+08:00

It's been a day and a half since pros ended. About the same time too that I took to get over the last paper.

It's not exactly a good thing if you felt a paper was extremely bad when the general consensus is it was overall an easy paper. And it is so to the extent where I feel there's a pretty good chance that i'll fail it. Perhaps the reason why it affected me so much until now (or maybe it still is) is that, err... Chinese aside, I've never actually failed any major exam. Personal expectations maybe. Or it may also be due to pride as I never actually had to face a fail grade. But either way, it was quite a bad end to pros, and not really one that adds to the yes-pros-are-finally-over kind of joy

Well, thank God i had quite a program packed day right after pros all the way till midnight, with company from friends, filled with laughter and fellowship. It definitely helped to keep myself away from the negative feelings and uneasiness. But then again, during my QT and this whole day, everything just flooded back again. I think back to a verse "Who by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" A verse that is so simple but yet holds so much truth and so much wisdom. Pity it's always easier to tell that to others than to put into practice.

I figure the only thing I could possibly do now is to cast aside the thoughts of pros and commit everything to God. All burdens, including results, at the foot of the Cross.

Dear God

2010-04-29T21:12:00.002+08:00

Strength is starting to seep dry from me. But Father I pray You continue to give me the strength to go on, You give me the perseverance to run this race You have placed me in, and You help me find the rest that I need in You. I pray my eyes will continue to look to You through this tough period and beyond. Father, sustain me and support me. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Psalm 23; Psalm 121

2010-04-23T02:02:00.005+08:00

Psalm 23
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
3 He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
He who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, He who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
He will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

I'm not really a fan of the book of Psalms, but these two psalms, I should say, are the ones that give me comfort and strength in times of weakness. Exams are 19 days away, and here I am, awake at 2am in the morning, not studying.

I'm starting to feel more drained and more lifeless as the days go on. Ironically, the closer I am to exams, the more I feel I can't finish studying, and the more I don't feel like studying because of that. Completely the opposite of the norm where my pace of studying picks up exponentially as exams draw closer.

After closing my textbook an hour ago and wasting time on facebook or random online minigames, these psalms suddenly struck my mind, it was as if God is trying to push me on, trying to encourage me to persevere. So I hope in sharing these Psalms, if you too are in the midst of exams or in the midst of any trials or tough situations, you too will be encouraged.

Your grace is sufficient for me, for Your power is made perfect in my weakness.

Stress

2010-04-02T00:18:00.002+08:00

It's only 40 days to the exams now and I'm beginning to feel the stress building up already... Don't even know if I should be taking some time out to post this by either way I still am.

Somehow I find that in the midst of all this stress, it tends to have an effect on me... not so much of the physical aspect like health or lethargy though it sure has taken a toll of some sort... But I guess it's more in terms of behaviour and temperament.

I've realised that through the major examinations like O levels, J1 promos, A levels and I guess now... almost every exam can be considered major in some sense.. I tend to feel very very easily irritated. The smallest of things tend to annoy me, I tend to show discontentment even to my parents at times... I don't know why but it just happens even though I don't want it to. In fact, I start feeling disappointed with myself after that fleeting moment of anger.

I reflect upon such happenings and find my actions unacceptable, shocking, and perhaps even repulsive - something I would like to change. Problem is I never do bring a check to myself until I get some quiet moments like now.

In such times that I get, meditating upon the fruit of the Spirit tends to give me more peace and calmness compared to any other stress outlet, in addition to giving me a constant reminder of how my life should be.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control" - Galatians 5:22-23

Some say that the fruit of the Spirit depicts how the ideal diciple of Jesus Christ should be. I have much to work towards but I pray that I'll continue to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. Hopefully this post too, will serve as a reminder to myself if I do come back to read it in the future.

CA3

2010-03-13T00:01:00.005+08:00

Mugging for examinations isn't very fun to say the very least. For the past 2-3 weeks I've been trying to study for my exams, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of content in the syllabus... relative to CA1 and 2 at least.

And finally, today was the paper. Strangely enough, after the paper I was not as relieved or as excited as I was after the first 2 CAs. Perhaps it was due to utter fatigue or maybe even numbness to exams already. But thinking back upon it, maybe I just didn't know what to feel.

How should I put it? Unlike CA1 and 2, I didn't exactly have any expectations of how I would do, whether good or bad. Everything just seemed so uncertain, more so than before. Everything is in God's hand now I would say.

Indeed, I have been sustained by God through the entire week. I know my body. It needs an amazing amount of 10 hours of sleep to function properly unlike most normal people who require 6-8 hours. Given how much sleep I was getting, staying awake and staying healthy was impossible if not for the sustainance of God.

Perhaps another reason why I don't have much feelings about CA3 is because, just like God saw me through CA2, I believe He will see me through CA3 too and the years ahead. And so, here's a tribute to the LORD Almighty for His faithfulness.

Thank You LORD Jesus for Your strength, Your wisdom, Your encouragement.

When God seems... so far...

2010-02-10T22:11:00.004+08:00

Again, the "why"s return

Why can't God speak to us directly?
Why can't He tell us what's going on?
Why won't He act immediately when we ask?
Why does it sometimes seem like when we have faith, things still don't go our way?

The list is endless. I've been at this point of my spiritual walk too many times. Pity is, while others learn, I don't seem to. Each time I reach the "why" stage, I falter, only to find that His will is made perfect in His time. Then another situation will come, and I'm back in the vicious cycle. And so here I am, once again.

It's terrible to be in a situation where I wish or know that I could make a change, but know neither where to start, nor how to act. Going through multiple possible solutions, the conclusion is usually: God is the only One who can help. And rightfully so when whatever solution you attempt to use will only make things worse. When things reach this point, there's only one thing to do - pray.

That's where the real problem starts, that's where I am right now. I pray, I put my faith in God, I cry out to Him... nothing happens. Things start to become messier. I get confused, I don't seem to know Him anymore. God doesn't seem to be working.

Or is it so? Am I just blinded by the situation at hand? Or is He just telling me to wait? Maybe He has a greater plan in mind?

I look back at previous experiences and wonder why God isn't showing His works now as He was before. Then I think of how things in the past have had improved after seeking Him with all my heart. And again, I think back of the current situation. My mind is in a muddle now, but I pray that in the midst of this chaos, God will reveal His mighty plan

2010-01-25T23:59:00.004+08:00

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

-

Time and tide waits for nobody

2010-01-18T22:46:00.005+08:00

So it's the second week of school already, and there are so many things that I have to do, so many more things that I intend to do. I always had this theory about myself that if I need time, I'll make time. Somehow. Usually it seems to work, pity I just don't make enough time 9/10 times. Just today and yesterday, I ended up waking up 2 hours after I "decided" to study.

Perhaps I'm just not used to going into full-swing mode the moment school starts. Honestly, still partially in a holiday mood. My secondary school teacher used to say that we need a holiday to get over a holiday. How true. But well, during the holidays, I suppose God kept me well rested, gave me strength and perseverance, ready to carry out His calling. Though many times I don't see why God wants me to do what He tells me to, I'll follow by faith, for I'm stepping out into the unknown with the comfort that He is with me and beside me. And of crouse, I'll trust that He will help me make the time for it as well.

I'm sure for many if not all of us, it always seems that there isn't enough time to do everything we want to. Time always seems to be controlling us and in the end, we'll be submitting to the pressures of time by giving up one thing or another. I'm reminded of a church sermon where the pastor was talking to us about chronos which referred to time as it is, versus kairos, which referred to a time where special moments happen, or glimpses of heaven as he described.. Are we too caught up in chronos moments, so much so that we totally miss the kairos moments in our lives? He gave the example of Jesus, in which He was always in control of time instead of being controlled by time. "My time has not yet come" He would often say.

So again, now that I find I need time, I will make time... somehow... hopefully I can capture the kairos moments in my life even as it gets more packed and busier, be it due to school, God's calling or even my personal activities.

LORD Jesus, empower me. Amen.

The path ahead

2010-01-07T12:06:00.004+08:00

The sad reality just occured to me: holidays are ending =(

I remember how in the past, be it secondary school or JC, a 1 month holiday would get boring after a while due to the sheer length of the holiday. I'll find that nothing else can be done save for lazing/bumming around. Then here I am now, feeling that a 1 month holiday seemed like just over a week. That only means that another stressful term awaits me. More hours spend in the lecture theatre being bombarded by foreign information, more hours spend in the tutorial rooms giving the professors a blank look when posed with questions, and more hours in the lab looking at different cells which really all look like circles with a dot in it.

And of course, there's the CA results which everyone is wating for in anxiousness and trepidation. Everyone's worried, unsure of how they have done, especially so after some minor topic got blown up into an essay question. Needless to say, I'm one of those who aren't exactly keen on knowing the results.

However, the past few days, I was constantly reminded of 2 different quotes of very similar meanings that I've come across:

If God puts you through something, He will get you through it
If God bids me fly, I'll trust Him for the wings (as opposed to if God gives me wings, I'll fly)

So I've come to a conclusion that since God has placed me where I am right now after carving out the way so well for me, I am confident that, by faith, affirmed by prayer, He will see me through the entire course. It may not be easy to be totally calm about CA results, but at least I have a hope that I can abide in =)

Needs and fulfilling them

2009-12-20T00:11:00.003+08:00

Perhaps it's about time I blogged again. Can sort of tell how long I haven't blogged given that even my background somehow got deleted hahaha. Haven't really found much time since my last post due to army/studies but now it's the holidays I guess it's rather easy to dig out some time =)

Well over the past few months I've been having random thoughts here and there as to what to blog on and they've just been coming and going so I suppose I'll just blog about what I've been pondering about more in the past few days.

You know, it's natural human instinct to fulfill a need when it comes. Like for instance, if you feel thirsty, chances are you'll be looking for water to drink and when you feel cold, perhaps you'll grab a jacket or a blanket. Similarly, when you feel empty inside, you'll be looking for things to do like going out with friends, playing games, reading books - anything that can kill time and make you feel occupied. You have the need, you recognize the need, you fulfill the need.

The exact same thing goes on in our spiritual lives too. What I've noticed about myself is that my QT is sometimes really short, sometimes really long. And coincidentally, or maybe not so, the times where I seek God more is in periods like during exams, when I'm feeling lost/down, or in times of difficulty.

The trend seems to be that the time I spend with God is proportional to how much I need to, or how hard things seem to be getting for me to cope with alone. It may be really easy to shove God to one side once I see good results for my exams, when I'm having fun out with my friends, sleeping in peace and waking up to a whole new day with many things planned out perfectly. Then again, during the more challenging times, more evidently during the period just before exams, no matter how tired I am, I would always commit myself to God, seek His comfort, His wisdom, His love.

All this again points back to our needs which will always be around and how we fulfill them. Christians have it easy as they always have a solution through God. Which brings me to the point which I have been thinking of now and then.

So many people out there who don't believe in God, or maybe even some Christians who don't see the need to commit themselves to God... Ask a few pre-believers (as I prefer to call them) and you'll get a range of answers like...

~ Why do I need a God?
~ I'm self sufficient, I don't need this God to help me
~ Things are fine as they are, why change things
~ The storm will come and go. Nothing will make it any different

Of course, there may be many different answers but one major reason why some people don't believe may be because they don't recognize the need that they have. Either that, or they think that this need can be solved on their own, without the help of anybody else. Needs can only be met once they are recognized. As an analogy, who eats without feeling hungry (with the exception of indulgence of course =x)?

There are other addressable points of what I have just posted just like is it right to only seek God when we recognize the need to? But well, that'll be enough for a whole new post I suppose. Not too sure how to end this particular post cause as I said, it was just another of those random thoughts that go through my mind...

--- just another random thought >.< ---

His promises

2009-05-23T22:25:00.002+08:00

It's been about 2 and a half months into the army alrdy... Throughout the course I had thought of a thousand and one things of what to blog... ranging from Godlessness in the army, conformity, how army pushes you to God, random army thoughts etc etc etc.

But today, I finally decided to shove all those to one side and blog about one thing - His promises.

Ok let's rollback to..... 6 months ago.

I was doing my QT one night... and that particular night, I concluded QT with one promise from God: You will pass your NAPHA test.

Ok let's see my situation then... my pull-ups CMI. my SBJ could barely pass. 2.4km run... my stitch didn't really allow me to run properly. I didn't give up though, I believed God would keep His promise, so I figured that, maybe he wants me to train! Ok i did.

1 month later, guess what? It was the final NAPHA test and I passed ALL STATIONS INCLUDING MY PULL-UPS =O Ok it was really exciting for me then cause that never really did happen in my 18 year history of living. So I was quite geared up for my 2.4 km. I went off with a good start, 2 minutes per round for 3 rounds... But guess what? My stitch appeared 50 METRES INTO THE RUN. Well, it paralyzed me (almost literally) for the 5th and 6th round, bringing my timing up to 20+ minutes...

So then, I ended up into the PTP batch.

What's this God... Didn't you tell me I would pass??

Well, honestly, I kinda forgot about that promise every now and then since PTP = fail in NAPHA or didn't take. Yes I belong to the first category. The only time I remembered that promise was around the IPPT (NAPHA equivalent in a way) dates. And it wasn't helping since the passing standard was pushed from 4 pull-ups to 6.

Guess what. I failed the all 3 IPPTs they gave.

SO. The 4th IPPT came. I wasn't in a very good condition that day. Woke up tired, lethargic, sleepy, muscles aching. Not very good, and to think I rememberd His promise once again the night before. Well, it was the final IPPT (apart from REs) and so, I put my hands together, and said, "LORD, I commit this day and this test to You"

Sit-ups and shuttle run were no problem I guess. When it came to the pull-ups, I remembered that just 2 days ago I could only do.. 4. But God gave me strength indeed. Amen to that. SOMEHOW, I managed to do an awesome 7 (which was pushed down to 6 cause the last one was a "kicking" pull-up. JUST NICE to pass)

Standing broad jump - my past IPPTs were hovering around 1-2 points. very unstable, need 2 points to pass. My first jump gave me 1 point. My second.. gave me THREE.

Hallelujah. Now, it's all down to running again! Just like my NAPHA 5 months ago... I remembered His promise, and I believed that God would keep His promise. However, the sickening thought of a stitch appearing just like 5 months ago was bugging me still. The passing mark was 12 minutes 20 seconds, my previous run with NO stitch was 12 minutes 25 seconds.

So a short prayer to commit the run to the LORD and I was off. Didn't go too bad, until halfway through, I had a stitch >_>

Many thoughts were running through my mind again:

This stitch is just gonna make me fail again
Did I really hear God wrongly? Maybe I wouldn't pass?
This is exactly like my last NAPHA where I pass everything but fail the run
Oh well, I'll just go for the re-IPPT

All these thoughts continued for the entire duration of the remaining run. Not very encouraging really, but I pressed on, giving whatever my stitch allowed me too, hoping to meet 12.20.

My final timing: 12.18

"You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the LORD your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed" - Joshua 23:14

Pulau Tekong

2009-03-12T22:14:00.006+08:00

Quote from wiki... Tekong means "an obstacle" Oh yeah indeed it will be an obstacle for me....

I enlist tomorrow for those of you who don't know haha. Well I just got my packing done, but I still gotta get some things wrapped up before I go while having my mum telling me to sleep... so I shall just cut to the chase.

Please pray for me.

1) That I will stay close to the LORD, regardless of the environment. Never to submit to peer pressure or the like, never to chase worldly desires but only to chase God

2) That I will stand up for God, to be the salt and light of the.... camp. Not be the passive passive kind of Christian who couldn't care less but rather one who will look for opportunites which will be abound.

3) That I won't die o.O I got this annoying stitch which sometimes appears when I run as much as 100m... No good for the extensive running that the army puts you through especially with a 15kg full pack..

4) Oh I almost forgot this one. That God will send healing upon me ASAP =D Fell sick 2 days ago but by God's grace, I am well except for a rather bad sore throat.

I'm guessing that's about it... Ok, I should be getting of to do whatever I need to do. I've spend a precious 5 minutes on this already. Good night my friends, take care, God bless you. I'll be praying for each one of you too... if I'm not too caught up complaining to God about the conditions in Tekong.... tata

Post-A Level results thoughts

2009-03-07T19:08:00.002+08:00

Seated with my class, I was extremely nervous when my name wasn't called up under the "4 distinctions for 4 content subjects" category... Somehow that was so even though I knew for sure I wouldn't be called up.

As the list proceeded to the "3 distinctions for 4 content subjects" category, somehow, this feeling of uncertainty and nervousness was escalating in my heart as the classes of SA, SB and SC were going past... I do not know why, I was just really scared actually.

Then suddenly, my name was called. There was this feeling of sudden relief over any other feeling, be it joy or accomplishment.

As I walked up towards the stage, I felt tears falling from my eyes. They were tears of relief, tears of joy. On hindsight, I realise that I do not deserve the results that I got.

Even right now, I know that all this wouldn't have been possible if God had not been behind me all the way. It was Him who saw me through the studying, it was Him who kept me calm during the papers and it was Him who sustained me through the entire examination period. It really makes me wonder how bad things would have gotten if I had not turned to God throughout the exam period and relied solely on my own strength and capability.

Father, I thank You LORD for seeing me through this period, thank You for all you have helped me, for all You have given me. Thank You for assissting me so faithfully, no matter how undeserving I was. Indeed LORD, I shall sing of Your grace and Your mercy forever and ever. Amen.

Pre-A level results thoughts

2009-03-07T19:00:00.003+08:00

I'm writing this post 2 days before the release of the A level results... perhaps right now my thoughts will be more rational than on Friday regardless of my results. So on Friday itself, I'll just copy paste this thing here and read it through myself... Hopefully God will use this to speak volumes to me after I get my results.

Just 1 or 2 days ago, I was thinking about results and what the future would hold for me. For those of you who don't know, I'm aiming for NUS medicine. The course with exceptionally high demands, both in terms of number of applicants and the results required. 2 Bs or 1 C and I can forget about even trying...

Well, on the very same night, I was reminded of the message given to us during CF by Ms Choo Wan Xian if i'm not wrong. The key verse was from Psalm 37:4

"Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Of course, it would be really easy to relate this verse to: I'll delight myself in the LORD and He will get me those straight As! Hurray! But the very crux of that message was trying to tell us that, if we will really seek God with all our heart, all our soul and all our strength, we find that the verse holds so much more truth and so much more substance than just our earthly desires. Eventually, the desires of our heart, will be to delight ourselves in the LORD. No other earthly treasure or accomplishment can compare to a true and intimate relationship with our LORD.

That message was indeed one of those which has taught me much. Well, to be very honest, if I actually remember a message, that means it has really taught me alot =x So all in all, when we come back to the outcome of the A level results, what really does it matter even if I can't apply to any university, or if I get accepted immediately by NUS? Instead of mourning over my results or jumping in the air rejoicing over them, I know, in my heart, that I desire to delight in the LORD even in the face of any uncertainty that I might possibly behold.

Furthermore, God has given us the assurance that no matter the circumstances that we are in, we are where we are for that is where we will grow and prosper the most. I will always remember this verse which has seen me through many years of my life thus far.

"For I know the plans I have for you, decalres the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" - Jeremiah 29:11

My dad has been making preparations for me to study in Australia, UK or wherever in the event I cannot get into NUS as he knows I really want to do medicine, but right now I would say that no matter where I go, no matter my results, I will trust in God's perfect plan for me. If He has plans for me to study a course other than medicine, I will gladly follow where He leads me, for He knows best.

Friends, I am writing this, not only for myself, but also to remind us all that God is faithful in all times, and that we can always smile, knowing that He holds our future in His hands, and that His love will see us through all things.

Why?

2009-01-25T21:21:00.003+08:00

One of the questions I find that we, in our Christian walk, come across is why? Why does God allow Christians to be persecuted? Why does He allow people to leave the world due to tragic accidents? Why does He allow all the bloodshed to continue? Why does He seem not to care?

Life after the A's was rather uneventful... But recently it has been quite eventful. Overly eventful in fact. So much so that I wish some things just didn't happen. Somehow it just raises the question - why? Why did that happen?

I am posed with this question by others and even myself every now and then - Why does God allow so and so to happen? Yes, God has plans, but what does He want to achieve by making this and that happen? I realise that I can find no answer to that question.

I once thought it would be so much better if God just tells us His plans for us right smack in our face instead of letting us question all the happenings around us. Now that's quite ironic since I have reasoned otherwise with others who suggested the same thing to me. Unfortunately, even though I understand why God wouldn't want to tell us too much, I still wish to know His reasons for allowing what's happening right now.

Perhaps instead of asking those questions above, we could instead ask ourselves other questions such as why can't we have implicit faith in God? Why can't we fully trust His plans for He knows what's best? Why can't we chase His heart with all our soul, with all our mind and with all our heart? Then again, it all comes back to the same question of why.

I believe I won't find the answer to anything anytime soon, but I pray that God will continue to reveal His plan in His perfect timing to not just me, but everyone else.

Jesus is better than santa!

2008-12-20T01:22:00.004+08:00

I shan't take credit for this. I got this in an e-mail and it's really interesting so I decided to put it up here :D

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa lives at the North Pole
JESUS is everywhere

Santa rides in a sleigh
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water

Santa comes but once a year
JESUS is an ever present help

Santa fills your stockings with goodies
JESUS supplies all your needs

Santa comes down your chimney uninvited
JESUS stands at your door and knocks.. and then enters your heart

You have to stand in line to see Santa
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name

Santa lets you sit on his lap
JESUS lets you rest in His arms

Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy or girl, What's your name?"
JESUS knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads

Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly
JESUS has a heart full of love

All Santa can offer is Ho Ho Ho
JESUS offers Health, Help and Hope

Santa says "You better not cry"
JESUS says "Cast all your cares on Me for I care for you

Santa's little helpers make toys
JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions

Santa may make you chuckle but
JESUS gives you joy that is your strength

While Santa puts gifts under your tree
JESUS became our gift and died on the tree

It's obvious there is really no comparison
We need to remember WHO Christmas is all about
We need to put Christ back in Christmas
Jesus is still the reason for the season

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our Awesome God

2008-12-08T13:39:00.002+08:00

Hm, my prayer list has been piling lately... More things to pray for but luckily I've got more time to pray now since it's the hols. Was thinking about this until some other random thought just struck me...

Note: Highly highly conservative estimates are used in this and it still helps to prove my point.

There are 6.6 billion ppl in this world. Let's just say 6 billion.
If only 10% are Christians, there are 600 million Chrisitans.
If only 1% of them say a prayer everyday, that's 6 million prayers a day
Meaning, God is hearing about 70 prayers a second. And that is assuming every prayer lasts for only 1 second.

Gosh that's a lot. If there was a speaker in heaven blasting a prayer every time it is said, it must really be super noisy up there o.O

Ok I shall end my randomness here. But isn't it amazing that God still hears every single one of our prayers ^^

Post Post As

2008-12-05T23:30:00.002+08:00

Seems to be something that is missing real badly =(

Miss you all my friends

A levels are over!!! but...

2008-11-20T23:34:00.003+08:00

somehow a tinge of sadness too. I shall make this post short before I go off to emo =x

How should I put this in words.. Well I guess I'm really thankful that the As are like FINALLY OVER after all the dry hours of studying, burning midnight oil and being zombified during the papers.. but unfortunately this also marks the end of the JC2 year..

Well, I'ld say the depression comes from the fact that as JC friends, we won't be seeing each other as often anymore, and for some, not at all (other than results day... ugh). Well, friends come and friends go, we all know that from our course of education for the past 12 years or so... But how should I put it.. it just doesn't seem to be like the ordinary: "Hey PSLE/O levels over! Ahahaha we're free! Cya next time!" For quite a number of my friends, the next time hasn't even come, not even now. Well except for some but only with the occassional hi wassup conversation on msn.

I don't even know what I'm typing now.. My mind's in a swirl right now, so much to say but yet so restricted with every letter or word that I punch in right now with my fingers...

...

And I just stoned for five minutes thinking of what to write

...

And another three minutes... Well my SDone, my CF friends, my OG, my all the other random friends whom I made in school, thank you for making this entire AC experience what it turned out to be. I'll never forget the times where we spent together chatting/playing/studying/doing all kind of stupid things be it in college or out of it. Maybe the days we spent together may have been taken for granted, since we would be so sure that we would see each other again someday in school somehow, but definitely not now. Even if we do go back to school hoping to see each other, it would never be the same as it was when we were still studying as one cohort.

Indeed, God has weaved His plan so intricately to bring us all together at the same place, at the same time, for the purpose that He had intended it to be. This journey through the two years has left a huge mark on my life and I'm sure it has to for you. Still, life has to go on, we can't keep looking back into the past wishing we can be back where we were. But that doesn't mean we can't look back into the past and appreciate the sweet memories that we have built up in our two years here in AC. Hmm... I'm feeling a little philosophical over here...

...

I just stoned for another five minutes..!!! Maybe it is true that words are sometimes too inadequate a tool to express one's feelings: I'm certainly feeling that effect now. But well, to everyone but especially to SDone (yes I'm being biased here =p), thank you for supporting me through this two years in all aspects. I really appreciate all of you ^_^

Hmm, not so short a post, or is it? I don't know, I shall just stop typing since it feels as if most of what I'm typing is gibberish cause I'm really not thinking properly right now as you can see from this very paragraph where most of it doesn't really make sense so I should just stop typing this post for the sake of typing otherwise all subsequent paragraphs may end up being as monotonous, dry and meaningless like this one as if the previous ones weren't already and do you notice that this whole paragraph is made of of only two sentences?

Ok g'night people, God bless all of you abundantly =) Once again, thanks for making this whole experience such an awesome one =D

Exam thoughts

2008-11-06T17:59:00.002+08:00

Just another random post cause I'm so BORED of studying.

Maths Chapter 18: Normal Distribution

The normal distribution is the most important distribution in statistical theory because it is a suitable model for a very large number of distributions of data. A continuous random variable X is said to have a normal distribution with mean mew and variance sigma square if X has probability function f(x) = whatever, where x is greater or equal to infinity.

Now assuming that I have a box of apples with mean mass 50g which is a large number in the eyes of maths, and standard deviation 20g, based on the graphic calculator, using normalcdf (-E99, 0, 50, 20), I am told that 0.6% of the apples i take out of the box, has a NEGATIVE weight.

Now isn't the normal distribution supposed to be a suitable model since weight is a continuous random variable where there is a probability that the apple's weight can go to inifinity due to variance?

Maths Chapter 19: Sampling, Central Limit Theorem

If X1, X2, ... , Xn are independent random variables, all having the same distribution with mean mew and variance sigma square, then the distribution of the sum, X1+ X2 + ... + Xn is approximately normal, for large values of n, (n>50) whatever the nature of distributions of X.

In other words, when applied to bio, stabalising selection, directional selection and disruptive selection will all result in the same final graph with a normal distribution since all organisms under considering are independent random variables, all have the same distribution and variance (since they are of the same habitat) and have large values (since non-endangered animals surely have a population size of more than 50), whatever the nature of their distribution.

Chapter 20: Hypothesis Testing, Example 3

To test H0: mew = 1.5 ohms against
H1: mew > 1.5 ohms at 0% level of significance (chosen by me since, by definition, if the level of significance is 0%, we will reject H0 when it should not be rejected 0% of the time)

Using GC, bar x = 1.52, s = 0.021213, t value = 2.108, p = 0.0513 > 0

Conclusion: Do not reject Ho and conclude that there is sufficient evidence at 0% level of significance that the wire is pure silver.

Now think about it. at 0% significance, you will reject Ho wrongly 0% of the time. That's better isn't it, so that no mistakes will be made. But wait! if you look at the graph, 0% probability means t value = 0. Meaning, regardless of whether you tested 100% silver 50% silver 1% silver or a ROCK, you will not reject it, because there is NO REJECTION AREA!!

My conclusion is that we are learning USELESS THINGS.

Ok that's enough. Back to learning all the nonsence

A levels....

2008-10-30T23:46:00.003+08:00

are like in just THREE days... And this is probably one of the worst times to blog considering that my opportunity cost of doing so is my studying or the time I could use to sleep so that the law of diminishing marginal returns won't set in so fast tomorrow. Then again, I still have about 3x24x60x60+12x60 = 259 920 seconds left from the moment I typed this left to go before monday comes. So considering the time i have left and that my brain needs a break from the countless action potentials that are being fired when studying so that it won't get fatigued, I have decided to take a break off memorising the equations of the triiodomethane test, fehling's reagent and tollen's reagent to blog.

Yes I'm going MAD studying.

I don't even know why I'm blogging now when I'm supposed to prepare something like AQs and essay plans for GP consult tomorrow...

Well I guess it's because of the various things that have been going through my mind , the different things that happen each new day, topped off with Marc's email to my cohort about BS... Struck me quite abit. Here's a quote

"I do hope and pray that each and every single one of you are doing well and growing in the Lord even as you prepare for your upcoming battle. Even so, as you all face the uncertainty of tomorrow (and the exams), do remember that God is always with you, that He promises in His word that His rod and staff comfort us, and that His grace is sufficient for us, His power made perfect in our weakness. Therefore, in light of the knowledge that God of the universe, whose ways are much much higher than ours, is with us, then just do your best and trust Him."

Kinda reminds me of how my QT has, in essence, been: Hi God, I'm really tired. I just don't like studying. Exams are coming, help me ya? *some other random stuff* G'night. Amen.

So much for it's not about us but all about Him.

Perhaps it's time that I relook my QT once again to remove the self centredness in myself, to spend what really IS quality time with God and to leave everything else into His hands.

And indeed, I pray that even in the midst of the A levels and the stress and whatnots, my cry will be LORD, Your grace is sufficient for me.

Time to look at my AQs now =\

Prelims are over!!

2008-08-29T21:00:00.002+08:00

Like finally hahaha haven't had time to post any decent length post... Was either busy mugging away or squeezing whatever play I could get wahaha but well.. I also don't know what I have to post now that the prelims are over... I mean.. it's mostly... *shock* papers. Just a short post I guess so it doesn't seem like I forgot all about this poor blog =p

Well, I guess the prelims on the whole were... decent with the exception of maths, chem paper 2/3, GP, econs essay... which is like almost everything so i guess they were average.

Well depressing things called exams aside.. I guess there is just one thing I would like to post about and that's God's faithfulness =)

Well, the prelims weren't very good either for another reason that my parents wanted me to cut all err "extra" activities... like CF, church, BB etc... and that didn't help much given that the prelims are periods where we usually need to purely depend on God's strength

But well, even though I was "banned" from cell, morning worship, church and all due to incessent nagging and disapprovals and whatnot, there have been chances for me to still return to God's presence.

I managed to go back on one Saturday to BB for a session of Bible Study and fellowship based on the reason I wanted to go support my juniors who were having their handover which was not only a stronger reason for me to want to go but also one where I could use to beg my parents haha

Second, I managed to go to all three CF sessions (inclusive on the one just before prelims) based on one reason or another

And of course, God has continued to speak to me during my shorter but more productive periods of QT at night.

All in all, it has really been amazing how God has sustained me during this whole period of the prelims even though there may have been obstacles here and there but regardless, He is always just a prayer away!

Two more days before I step into His house of worship once again ^_^

An important lesson learnt

2008-08-15T21:29:00.004+08:00

And when the flesh fails you, all that remains is the strength that comes from above

Let us run with perseverance
The race marked out for us
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus
The Author and Perfector of our faith.

Hebrews 12:1-2

Amen.

Randomness

2008-07-20T22:59:00.000+08:00

Just some randomness.. I was searching the net for the number of cars in the world for my GP essay and I got this ^_^

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/534170/guiness_world_record_largest_number_of_cars_on_2_wheels/

CF handover

2008-07-19T15:19:00.002+08:00

It felt like it was only just recently when I was the one anointed with the oil by Pastor Moh Ying in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. There Carol was, washing my feet and praying for me.

Before I knew it, there I was yesterday, watching the J1s being anointed, washing Jotham's feet and praying for him...

It's really a joy to see the junior comm, personally picked by God, rising up to their position. From this point on, they would be the ones running the Christian Fellowship just as my comm did for the past year. What things they would learn, what experiences they will have, it would all be different, but definitely, memorable.

This journey for the past year simply passed in the blink of an eye. Countless meetings on wednesdays, meetings every Friday WUTS, REW, CF camp, PassionAC and so on... all these flew past so quickly. But through this one year, I have learnt many things, drew closer to God, participated in different events. God used every single opportunity to change me, whether using the people around me, through worship or otherwise.

And of course, I can't forget my beloved CF committee which I have worked with through all these. You guys are so awesome =) I may have come into CF not knowing anybody at all... Not even any of you before the first CF camp, but everything changed slowly but surely. After all the meetings, all the planning and outings, I have known each one of you so much more =) I'll just leave a short thank you e-note here for all of you instead of giving out hard copy like liz and helsa :P (mainly cause if I do the notes will be quite short as you will notice haha)

Isaac: The president! ... whom I didn't know until very very late after the CF camp hahaha But hey dude, obsession with PINK and bimboness aside =P You have truly led the CF well through all the planning, for vision casting and all. Thank you for your leadership in the CF and all your interesting stunts during meetings haha Keep your 10 o'clocks free ya =D

Helsa: The "Zai" vice-president haha As Skyler said before, you're really a source of inspiration to others... It's amazing how you'll never fret or despair even under the pressure of countless commitments or even workload. And also, thanks for keeping me company during all our common breaks at the CF booths and on the train too! (Even though it's only two stops..! =\)

Vignette: The Secretary! Not hard to remember the missing attachments or the fast moving pen every meeting haha ok stop suaning already =p It's also not hard to remember your sense of humours and jokes every now and then! And also thanks for all your words of encouragement every now and then =)

Skyler: The Logistics I/C! Possibly the greatest influence in the whole comm haha All the "bu care" and "which is like no ___" + the emoness has been spreading quite fast XD I remember you're one of the two people (including dillon) whom I first knew in the comm during CF camp.. Anyways, thanks for being my long time buddy haha and of course, for designing like... everything!

Liz: The worship I/C! and Skyler's hao peng you haha Come to think about it, I hardly talked to you last year lol but this year chatted quite a fair bit more with ya. Like mdm mentioned, you are a very steady person haha Thanks for all you have done be it worship, being there for others or even for taking all those candid shots/videos for us all to laugh at haha

Mel: The evangelism I/C! Hmm.. Violent... noisy... =) I better run away now. Ok la you can be nice at times haha And you're always running away from Gareth with me =x But still, thanks for your corny jokes here and there haha it really does brighten up my day when it's been a long and draggy one... and also thanks for planning REW with me!

Dil: The fellowship I/C! Never knew you and... ok I didn't say anything hahaha My first impression on you (during CF camp) was that you were really outgoing and that has made you a really good fellowship I/C indeed! Thanks for being there for me to confide in sometimes when I'm feeling low or anything. You too keep your 10 o'clocks free =D

Mdm Sophia, Ms Mai, Aunty Ros, Cynthia: The teachers/CMSs who have been supporting the whole comm throughout =) thanks for all your guidance and support you have given to the cmm non-stop! And specifically to Aunty Ros too for your dinner every Friday!! Haha a big thanks to all of you for helping us out whenever we needed somebody to help us out!

To everyone: Let's continue to draw close to God and also to keep shining for Him =) It's been a wonderful year spent with all of you, being instruments of God's mighty plans together as one body in Christ. Thanks for everything that everyone has done for me ^^ Everyone jia you for A levels!! Haha!

PassionAC

2008-07-05T15:36:00.011+08:00

About 3 days late! I wanted to blog about this but didn't really find the time so I'll try to rush through this. Gotta study chinese oral for tomorrow ='(

Well... PassionAC was truly marvelous. God's presence was certainly there, without doubt. The worship was great, the testimonies were touching, the message powerful. From what I hear, Passion ministered to many many people, whether they experienced periods of spiritual dryness, apathy and more. God worked in ways as marvelous as before. It was really great and touching to see many kneeling before God, giving their all to Him...

The event itself, the planning, the publicity, preparation.... being Mr Henson Lim's slave o.O all put together was really a fantastic time. And indeed, if there was one thing I found out that night, it would be that worshipping God refreshes out souls! I reached home at 11+ that night... Usually I would be dead beat especially after a full day of school and preparation for something but after a night of worship, I was kinda... awake! Hahaha isn't it amazing ^^

Friends

2008-06-17T18:36:00.003+08:00

"A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity - Proverbs 17:17"

Wow.. Been quite some time since I blogged... I kinda find that blogging does take quite a bit of effort actually haha dunno how some people blog like literally everyday...

Well.. the past few weeks/months has been packed with tons of activities, be it tests, exams, camps, birthday celebrations, CIP etc etc. Just yesterday though, during my QT, as I was reflecting upon all that God had given me, it just dawned upon me that through all these things, pleasant or unpleasant, happy or sad, fun or boring, the people beside me were always friends.

What can I say? Back then in primary school, I was like super antisocial and only had like 2 or 3 really good friends... they were probably the only ones I talked to during recess and played with after school. Then again, I don't know if they saw me as one. During the holidays, I often turned down their requests to watch movies, turned down simple gatherings, meals and such. In short, I never really treasured them. Somehow what I treasured more was doing nothing at home.

But now, going through secondary school and on to JC, somehow through that road I came out of that introverted shell of mine (I was kinda shocked to see a big E for extrovert from the MBTI...) and made much more friends than in primary school. Started going out more, socialising more, and on some occasions even spending hours and hours just sitting down with my friends doing mindless things. Gone were the days when I would always be the first to rush home (if even I was ever out with my friends). Gone were the days when a simple movie outing with a bunch of friends was too much to ask of me.

Slowly but surely, friends became a major component of my life without me even realising it. The first time I noticed this was probably during my mission trip last year... Quite a long story but yeah, I can't imagine how life would be like without friends..

. Back to QT yesterday. Have you ever thanked God for the different things He has done, like how He saw you through a difficult time, how He made things turn out well even though there seemed to be no hope and how He is always faithful? I can give a tick to all these, but I asked myself, have I ever taken something for granted? Like.. my friends?

I've thought about it before, God gave us friends to see us through times of need, when we needed support from one another, when we needed to help each other. After all, they say that a friend in need is a friend indeed. God knew that His creations would need one another to live through life due to the many different things that are thrown at us. Be it a shoulder to lean on in times of sadness, a listening ear in times of distress, a simple smile in times of hopelessness, a true friend always will provide them. Of course, there are times when a pat on the back and a hearty laugh helps to cheer things up.

Now there is one Friend whom we all know too. A Friend who does all I have mentioned and more. I'm quite sure we have all heard this hymn somewhere somehow... Do you remember it?

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the LORD in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the LORD in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Saviour, still our Refuge, take it to the LORD in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the LORD in prayer!
In His arms He'll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Indeed, there may come a time when our friends fail us, there may come a time when we are left alone. But we will all have one Friend who always will remain with us.

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a Friend who sticks closer than a brother - Proverbs 18:24"

Oh how many times have we forgotten that He is always there even though our friends may be busy with other things... Just want to say thank You LORD for being our Friend =) Not only are You our best Friend, You too gave us the many friends in this world. Thank You LORD.

Well friends, so many of you out there who have seen me through different times and are even still by my side today. There are just too many things to name if I were to list everything that you have done for me. But I guess I can summarise it all to one phrase.

(: THANK YOU :)

ROD

2008-04-19T20:43:00.004+08:00

Once a BB boy, Always a BB boy.

To the primers of 07-08:

I didn't feel like sending out a mass e-mail after Wesley and Fab cause it would seem just so cheesy XD but still, I feel that I have to say something about my brothers who have been beside me for the past few years.

Four years of fall-in, four years of hiking, four years of camp, four years of drill, four years of punishment, four years of playing. I don't know how it happened primers, but from someone who disliked BB, I became one who actually enjoyed the times of hardship we spent together. The journey has been long, but you people have seen me through :)

Memories of the past 5-6 years suddenly flooded my mind during the testimonials today in the LT. Some were sweet, some were tough, some were happy, some were sad and and many other mixed feelings filled my heart, but one thing remains sure. All of them memories spoke of how the cohort of 03-06 and primers 07-08 became united with one another. How the closest bonds of friendship were forged. How brotherly love became true to each and every one of us... Up till today, I still have a memory of how I started off in the Boys' Brigade...

Somewhere around mid-year of 2003, I attended my first fall-in/parade in CV clothing when everyone was in their uniform.. I felt really, really lost. My first hike came soon after, coming as a not so pleasant surprise, only to find that it was followed by running to school in the full uniform. For someone who never wore his full uniform before, that wasn't funny at all.

I began to know a few of our cohort members then, started to think BB was a chore to attend, that I shouldn't even have joined some lame UYO... I was introduced to what was known as drill, parades and bible study. My first session was pretty interesting, especially since I was exposed to a Christian environment for 6 years in ACJS and wasn't actually one yet.

Jeremy: So Jack, are you a Christian?
Me: Uhh... I don't know.. half a Christian perhaps?
Jeremy: o.O Umm, you either are, or are not...
Me: Oh.

The 4 years passed by quickly. I didn't like the camps or the hikes and actually disliked BB.. In the first half of being in BB! There was a distinct change in the second half though. In Sec 3, I kind of discovered, hey, BB isn't all too bad after all you know... The years of drill, pushups and change parades were indeed tiring, yes. And as they say, life is unfair. Why does the whole cohort get punished just because ONE person is late? Just because ONE person has improper attire?

But all these did one thing. It united the cohort so closely.. Closer than we ever thought it would. Now, we can come together and joke about the things that have been past. About how we would do hours after hours of drill, how we stayed in push-up position for the longest time ever, how the camp programmes go 12.00 Lights out and 1.00 Defaulters.

It is true primers :) We have gone through all this together. All of you,once strangers to me, are now not only my friends but my brothers. I will forever remember all of you as my comrades who followed me through drill, camps, punishments and all. I just want to say a big thank you to

Adriel - Sergeant Head Prefect lol Suaning aside, you have encouraged me to give my best by just being the example since sec1. My fellow mission trip mate who gave me advice when I really needed it =)

Alex AKA Lua - You're always making sure I was fine every so often and keeping track of my spiritual life

Benedict - For encouraging me through different things and especially so for helping me through the planning of LTC when it was my first time being Logistics IC.

Jian Yang or robot - Your humour and smiles brightens up my day, not just me, but the cohort too! And of course, fellow ranger and DotArd!

Daniel Chng - First time I really talked to you was at some MG concert when you offered me a lift home XD My roommate for 11 days in Khon Kaen!

David Wong/bong - The person who runs from school back home at Tanah Merah. Another ranger+DotArd =D they seem to go together dun they?

Ding - Somehow a comic relief of some sort haha It's been great having you around all the time =)

Emil - My unofficial guitar teacher and one who leads most of the worship sessions for the cohort

Ethan - Known you to be one who takes things really seriously but still, you're always there for a casual chat

Fabriz - Whoo RS ftw! Ok that's like 2 years old. Been great having you by my side for so many years especially as a fellow mission tripper, ranger and Bridge player!

Ian - MAPLE LOL Haha seems most of our convo revolves around stupid things but hey who says that can't form friendships

Jerome - Somehow we became the J&J pair. Shan't argue anymore who is the first J haha but yup, you're always there by my side for all things whether stupid or serious

John Kao - Ok, honestly, I just realised that I didn't exactly talk to you for the past few years.. But that doesn't change the fact that we've gone through everything together in one cohort!

John Tay - Another faithful servant of the Most High. I've been encouraged a lot by your onness for God and you're one of the many spiritual leaders I look up to =)

Kenneth - The guy who looks either really serious or really high =p Been great having you as my mission trip group leader and a fellow primer too!

Kester - Wow, you've ponned 100 parades and you came for ROD. Still, you were there for 4 years! I've known you considerably well too

Yang Jian - The perfect comic relief of all time. You're always there to crack a joke over anything in the world and send laughter ringing through the cohort

Xunliang - Fellow C3 wing I/C haha Colosse ftw! Another of my unofficial guitar teachers and imba DotA player!

Noah - The guy who doesn't eat rice o.O How do you survive, I'll never know. Wake up earlier every Sunday you!

Russell - Our favourite timer ^^ Faithful in service and to his friends

Ryan - The guy who pushes people to not slack and to get things done! At least for the first few years =p

StevenS - Your lameness really removes the dryness in whatever we do. I'll miss your bombastic vocabulary even in simplistic presentations.

Timothy - Another of our common worship leaders. Seen as the "holiest person" and for good reason too =)

Wesley - Our beloved CSM. You have led primers through the 2 years, caring for each and every one of us, being serious when the time calls for it and joking with us during our free time. You've done a fantabulous job really.

Wing Hing/Wings - Another imba DotA player who's always teaming with XL. A really good natured guy who gets along very well with the cohort however new he may have been

Asher & Joshua Cao - The pair of drama people who I hardly see. You two always carry this aura of humour around you and is especially livens up parades

Amanda, Audrey, Christine, Evelyn, Lee Min, Min Kyeong, Petrina - All the girls in BB... Yes it was really weird, but still it has been great going through Primers with the new elements of squeals and giggles o.O

Officers - Almost missed out this. A big thank you to the officers who have sacrificed their time just to guide the primers in the right direction. So much has happened over the years, but to summarise all I have to say, it'll just be thank you.

Yup, I shouldn't have missed any other name.. I got all these names off the attendence list which the Steering Comm mailed out =p

Primers, it's been really great spending the past few years which all of you. Each and every single one of you made this journey as a Primer possible. Primers would never ever be the same if even one person was missing. Another big thank you to all of you for giving me such a great experience in life

From next year, all of us will be going our different routes. Some of us may meet, some may not. Many things will change but our memories as one cohort, as brothers and sisters in Christ never will. May I quote Fabriz in saying "Wars come and go, but Primers stay eternal". We have been united through the trials that we have faced but the unity we have does not end here. Even though we may not be physically with each other, we will forever be "One in vision, one in Christ, for all the world to see".

Once a BB ~~boy~~ primer, ALWAYS a BB ~~boy~~ primer

3 in 1 post =x

2008-03-31T20:59:00.004+08:00

Posts come in packages too!

27th March

CF today!!! Not friday cause everyone would be busy with Fun-O-Rama prep. It was basically the standard CF with worship and a short devotions.. Just that it was done.. in a classroom! How interesting. The usual, CF was great ^^

Gabriel joined us somewhere around dinner after what seemed like a super tiring day for him.. And I unofficially became his tutor o.O Well, after some chem and bio stuff (I refused to help with Econs =D duh), we went home together in the MRT. Did some catching up with him and he told me all about His JC life and some other interesting stuff

In short, it's yet another testimony showing how God can work =) After such complications regarding application and appeals, God finally put him in CJC and I believe that's where He will grow the most.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

You know, it can be so exasperating how sometimes everything just seems to go wrong for us... We don't get to stay in the place we want to or we have to stay in the place we don't want to. We tend to grumble and such until we really think about our options and it's so amazing how everything is settled when all is left in God's hands. I've learnt this lesson and I'm still learning, but God continues to show me how He works in so many different ways every other day =)

29th March

Fun-O-Rama!

The moment I stepped into school, all I saw was people running all over the place.. what a sight. The bouncy castle was sitting at the grass patch, all ready to be inflated. The stalls were being set up little by little. The class popiah stall... didn't really take a look at it. Only saw the popiah skins being prepared then ran off again to the bouncy castle.. only to buy Dettol with JJ coz Mr KSL said parents won't let their children into the bouncy castle which LOOKED really dirty.. They will if they smell the dettol though..! (???)

Sharyl smsed me when I was still with JJ and Holland V asking me to change... The result? When I did, half the people I knew, myself included couldn't recognize me O.O Geez. The wig was hot. seriously.

I tell you, kids have too much energy... too much!! Sharyl, Joanne, Suzanne, Yihui, Vincent and whoever went into the bouncy castle as moderators or safety officers whichever will know for a fact that they last at least 5 times the amount of time you do... maybe 10. It was fun though, even though I hardly had the energy to bounce around..

Most of my day was spent at the bouncy castle, letting in kids (both big and small), handling parents who requested for more time or complained about the fee, babysitting children who were "dumped" by their parents, jumping around with the kids, pulling them down when they climbed up >_> It was an experience, and a really fun one too

It rained somewhere around 3 and apparently "the umbrellas were going like hot cakes then" quoted from Mrs Chan. At least I finally had a chance to walk around the funfair! Great, I had 3 hours to spend 50 bucks and I didn't know what there was to get.. Kenneth and Petrina sort of gave me a hand in spending them though hahaha

Ok, so let's see, out of the remaining 20 bucks.. a 5 dollar popiah from my class, a 4 dollar ripoff oreo milkshake, a jelly from my class too for a dollar, 2 dollars to the PAT for some kueh, another 2 dollars to a class for some other powdery kueh =s, 2 dollars for an icecream to Helsa's class (which was slashed to a dollar 5 minutes later..!) and I don't know where the last 4 dollars went...

Not a single game played! So all I did during this funfair was man the games stall and eat. Oh, and went to watch Bobby perform too! Yeah, it seems rather dull but hey I enjoyed myself! Of course, came the cleaning up which nobody wants to do. But it had to be done!

The day ended, everyone was tired, but everyone was happy =)

31st March

Today.. in particular, Chapel.

If I'm not wrong, the band leading worship today was from Faith Methodist Church. Somehow the elec guitar made its way up on stage again together with some rather unique drums..

I don't have much to say about Chapel today, except for one thing. When the worship leader told the college to do whatever they wanted, sit or stand, anything, in any way that they could worship best in, HALF THE COLLEGE REMAINED STANDING. I would assume that EVERYONE who stood are people who wished to seek God. Of course, not forgetting the other Christians who went to sit and pray!! It was beautiful. When the band put a temporary stop to the music and singing in between a song, the distinct voices of the college shouting God's praise were echoing through the hall and the LT. I can't think of a more suitable word. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

If approximately 1000 people could already create this effect, what more Aunt Ross' vision of 2000 people kneeling in God's presence? How much more beautiful would it be? I pray that this time will come soon enough...

"Will You not revive us again, that Your people may rejoice in You? Show us Your steadfast love, oh LORD and grant us Your salvation" - Psalm 85: 6-7

Ahhhh....

2008-03-14T21:02:00.004+08:00

Yikes.. I just accidentally deleted all 50 bible verses which I keyed in over the pass few weeks =\ quick somebody tell me if there's a rollback function on blogspot..!!

And school is starting soon!! I dunwanna do all the homework/tests etc. again zzz... I want more hols =x

Friday the 7th.

2008-03-07T23:39:00.003+08:00

Don't know what to title this blog cause so much just happened today... I would have written this post in an emo mood but then I just had a really fun and interesting DotA game with Dill and Ian which really brightened up my whole day and was a good way to end it =) thanks guys! Well anyway, the lineup of events today...

First chem SPA which was quite screwed but thanks Mr H! hahaha
Next just went with Vincent to the hostel to do GP essay... which obviously wasn't finished.
Then went back to school to collect A level results for Chinese...

That's when the eventful day really started... At first I didn't even dare to get my results.. as I was half expecting to see a smiley face without the eyes (as I have been describing to my friends) AKA a U =) Well, eventually I did and wow surprise! I did see one haha! I have to admit.. Even though I knew my Chinese just totally sucks, I kinda expected a U and I was supposedly prepared to get one, I was indeed quite upset and quite disappointed.

I don't really know what happened after that, I kinda just blanked out... never even thought I would be that disappointed over a U. But one part I do remember is that Dillon, Eleanor and Yihui were all part of the uhhh... the U club? haha that's it man. The mark of a true blue ACSian ^^ ok fine and a... MGnian whatever =x

Well, I always thought I could accept things as they come, thought that I could always look on the bright side of things no matter what happens.. I was proved wrong today. A simple expected U actually caused me so much disappointment and I just thought everything around was just... nothing.

Went to emo at sky garden... looked down to the people around AC... went to seek God for a moment and... do the utterly horrendousgusting horrigible GP essay.

Ok so at around 4.45 I handed it in to the STI and went for CF.. the J3s were there! ! . ! . . . ... They weren't exactly super happy. From what I know or at least felt, they didn't really get he grades they wanted or expected. Kind of like my situation earlier today but then I heard DWong tell some other J3: Well, I'ld say I'm happy with what God gave me. Perhaps, God knows perfectly well what He's doing =)

Today's CF was supposed to be the 40 DOC but Isaac decided to change it to a session of extended worship. Exactly what I needed at that point in time. It could be quite clearly seen that the other J2s and J3s needed that time of seeking God too.

Worship was wonderful. It was quite some time ago that I shed tears before the LORD. Today, tears began falling for some reason and I just didn't know why. But on reflecting, I guess I knew that I haven't been seeking God at all. I seemd to have fallen away again and I didn't really do anything about it. The past week of term exams were simply just a period which sapped all my time and I just felt so... depressed in a way. Nothing seemed to be going right. The GP paper wasn't too fantastic, the maths paper was flunked for sure, econs was never good, chem only told me I didn't study properly and Bio wasn't too easy either. An overdue GP essay wasn't helping at all. Somehow I felt I was totally lost and when I did seek God, I didn't really spend much time. As always, worship ministered to me and today it surely did once again.

Isaac came up shortly to me and Dill telling us to pray for the people who responded to his altar call... Personally I wasn't really prepared to do so. I mean, how could I pray for others when I myself need prayer? Well, God led me in the right direction. A short prayer to Him and I went ahead praying for the others.

I love Christian Fellowship =) It just seems to be THE place where I can just lay down all my burdens before the throne of God and step into His presence feeling so carefree and all ready to praise Him.

Today was very meaningful to me...

First, it signifies the END OF EXAMS AND THE START OF HOLS :D :D
But more importantly, I came back into God's loving arms today and I can now add the two eyes to my Chinese grade =') Thanks LORD.

Orientation 08

2008-02-23T11:22:00.002+08:00

Orientation has indeed changed my life alot. My reason for signing up for orientation was orignally just to skip class and have fun, full-stop. No other reason.

Come the decision to sign up for orientation 2, the reason changed purely to go back for my OG. You guys have been great Maharaja =')

And of course, appeal cases. Some J1s whom I know got back in, some still pending. Both inside and outside the OG, there are still some people who are so anxious to get back to AC. It's really sad when you see all these 'AC-fied' J1s so eager to return.

I'll continue to pray for you people =)

Beloved Father in heaven,

2008-02-20T23:46:00.003+08:00

Your hand is on all things LORD, big and small. You know all things that happen here Father. There are many J1s now LORD, who are anxious about whether their appeal to ACJC will be successful within the next two days.

You have shown me much through this year LORD, and I know that You will do the same for the new and exisitng batch of J1s. I have enjoyed fellowship and bonding with my friends whom You have placed in my life and I know LORD that likewise, the J1s will enjoy the same fellowship as I have.

LORD, You have placed countless J1s in my life this year LORD. You have taught me to feel for them and to love them. Now that some of them have to leave due to choice or otherwise, You know that it has impacted me considerably. Though the days spent with them were little, the friendships forged were strong. They have become an integral part of my life LORD and You know how much I long to fellowship with them once again be it through orientation, through CF, through outings or even through casual chats.

Now Father, if You are willing, allow the J1s to return to ACJC to enjoy the environment in which I have developed in for the past year. Let them be part of the family in ACJC to grow in love for each other and for You LORD. I really hope to see each and every one of them return.

Nevertheless LORD, not my will but Yours be done. If You have planned for them to be in other places, let it be done. I trust LORD that You know what is best for them, where they will prosper most and where they will come to know You better or shine for You.

Let them know that wherever they are LORD, You are always there for them whenever they need a close Friend, whenever they need support and whenever they need guidance. Above all LORD, let them grow in You, to know You in such a close and personal way like never before.

May Your presence be with them always, LORD.

Amen.

Christian Fellowship =))

2008-02-15T21:21:00.002+08:00

Today was the third week's series of the 40 DOC in Christian Fellowship. The day started off like the usual, but noone knew so many troubles would come but God, as usual, was in control.

A comm meeting started at 3+ in the canteen with the usual ineffic.... I mean... FUN AND LAUGHTER!! Proceeded to LT2 right after the meeting, only to find the table with the computer moved one side and this guy sitting there fitting on an army helm...

Calling Madam Faith Mai and Aunt Rose only led to the conclusion that drama booked LT2 for the whole year cause all the bookings were wiped out due to some system error >_>

Great. And it was already 4.40 at that time. But thank God, Aunt Rose managed to get LT5 for CF!

Then came the next problem after worship. The CD for the 40 DOC wasn't there... ok my bad my bad. When the CD came, we realised that the computer in LT5 couldn't read it zzzzzz....

Madam Faith Mai had her laptop though! And with the help of Dex, the system was up and going and the CFers could watch the video! *yay*

Then came the biggest relief of the day. Aunt Rose recieved a call when she was praying with the whole CF! no.. the interruption wasn't a relief. The relief was... the system.. SOMEHOW GOT WIPED OUT AGAIN and LT2 was once again booked for the whole year for CF!! :D :D

It was just a normal day, but God just showed us His faithfulness and how He would always be there, being the One who guides and facilitates everything that we do in His name. Praise You LORD =)

Valentine's Day!

2008-02-14T20:03:00.011+08:00

And also Val's birthday. Today the class celebrated her birthday together with valentine's day. Hmm, don't have much to say about today, but I did collect a stash of foodstuff like last year. And hey, I'm not the kind of person who gets presents for everyone but I still love all of you =p

The whole bunch of stuff I got ranging from baked stuff to tidbits to a heart (which is really just a wire) from the school

And not forgetting what my beloved OG got me :') thanks so much guys, you people are the BESTEST BEST OG EVER!! =))) Maharaja ftw! Love ya all so much!!

Most of the stuff got squashed and stuff cause my bag ain't too big.. but they still warm my heart =) once again, thank you all for everything!

Valentine's day - in the middle of week 2 and week 3 of 40 DOC which has the theme of love. How apt =) I'm sure all of you can feel the power of love and how God can really warm your heart through your friends and your loved ones. I really thank God for placing such wonderful people around me who add so much joy, laughter and love to the dullness of everyday life. Thank You God. Valentine's day is all about love. It's all about You.

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love - 1 John 4:8

Happy Valentine's day friends and God bless =)

Opening and dedication of my blog =)

2008-02-10T22:59:00.000+08:00

Alright, I've done all I think I want to (or can do at least)... So lemme start with this... er... speech? ..for my blog..!

Why did I start this blog?

Well, just like my first one (which only JJ and Timothy know about =p) I thought it would be nice to have a place to pour out (type out actually) all my feelings when I feel I wanna "store" them somewhere instead of just letting it past and forgotten about...

Another reason is that I'm hoping this blog will let me share with my friends on how God has stayed so faithful to me in the various things that I do. I named this blog "checkpoints of life" as I'll probably be recording the moments of my life that have either left an impact on me or has changed my life considerably. And my the various links are those who God has placed in my life to guide my path and hence "markers of my route"

I would like to specially dedicate this blog to my LORD Jesus Christ and hopefully this will also serve as my altar to Him where I can be reminded of His unwavering faithfulness =)

As for why I chose suits of armour as my URL, go read the first post =p

God bless people =)

Blog development diary 2

2008-02-10T00:10:00.001+08:00

I've kinda totally remade my blog... the original one looked like...

Totally different and just plain ugly (although I liked the cross)... not like the current one is too good either.. Ok I admit, I don't have much fashion sense k? But at least it's better..! And I just found out to change the background colour I just needed to add $bgcolor behind the background code >_> so lame...

Hmm ok.. so I've cleared most of the to-dos but then more just popped out. Now I need to add that grey translucent background like in the picture...

I thought I remembered how I did it for the first layout.. but I thought wrong. It just isn't working this time. If you notice, I shifted the current background to the left so the words can be read.. Once I centralise the background, without that grey translucent background, the words can't be read when it's over the reflection of light on the box. And changing the colour of the words is just yuck cause no dark colour fits well...

If anyone got any ideas as to how I can correct that please tell me :D

So for now the not yet dones are dedicating this blog to God =) and as usual, ALL THE SCHOOL HOMEWORK =S

Oh, maybe adding links too. I'm too lazy to look around so tell me if you want me to add your link :P

I guess if nothing screws up suddenly I'll "officially" open my blog when school starts :)

Chinese New Year!

2008-02-08T09:58:00.000+08:00

Hey hey Happy Lunar New Year people! (yes one day late)

Well, today there wasn't much to do. My grandparents on my mother's side have passed away, and we never ever visited my uncle (father's side) so there were only 2 places to go.. My other grandparents and my mum's first sister.

As usual my grandmother would cook this vegetarian zai thingy, as she's a buddhist, which isn't too bad... but i don't exactly like anything that's vegetarian.. Then we hung around for a while before proceding to my aunt's house. Everyone was gone already cause my family always takes eons to leave the house.. so my sisters and I missed out on ilke 5 ang paos..!! Nevermind haha

Highlight of today (for me at least): We had a gambling session as usual every CNY. Lots of my cousins came to gamble... Past few years I would lose like 10 bucks or win 10.. This year it was like a combination of all.. Lose 4 bucks to win 6 to lose 10 to win 14 to lose 8 to win 25 wahahaha at least i won only like 2 bucks.. then double ace, then blackjack, then a 21 (and since the bets always got bigger and bigger as we reached the end... I bet 7 and won 7 on the last round :D)

My cousin Matthew loves this 2 dollar note of his (since 2 years ago) cause he said it brings him good luck - whenever he bets it he usually wins lol now I've found my lucky 3 coins XD maybe I should keep it till next year too? hahaha

Well, Chinese New Year is a once a year thing.. but somehow I only look foward to the ang paos - the only chinese custom that I enjoy since I'm not the one giving them out =p; and the gambling of course..! Hey I was officially the biggest winner that night k =D

Blog development diary

2008-02-03T23:02:00.001+08:00

Yes. I ripped the name off RS.

Alright, so far my blog has been under construction but I'm just an amateur in doing this k. Well let's see what has been going on

Progress:

Added background
Added header
Added text background
Added links (only those who told me to =p)
Added HTML coding in a box (the one I'm most satisfied with =))
Arranged components of my blog

Trial and error (more of the latter):

Tried adding background to HTML box
Tried putting picture in (on main CSS to achieve ^ that point ^)
Tried to change font of words in HTML box
Tried to push archives and links to the right
Tried to get more sleep =s

To-dos:

Add a chat box
Change the background colour behind my background..?
Try to make the words more readable (it's hard to read those at the middle of the cross)
Dedicate this blog to the LORD Jesus Christ
Think of more to-dos...
Tutorial 22, Tutorial 23, GP articles, long overdue chem assignments, study for terms, prepare for REW, plan for CF camp etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc...

Alright, I'm sleepy. I'll try to finish up the to-dos and make the errors a success. Next development diary coming up like next weekend I suppose...

Mission Trip 07 "b"logging!!!

2008-01-29T21:49:00.000+08:00

Ok.. I wanted to put the pictures after my logging but I figured that since blogger would only upload the pictures to the top... I'll just have them first to save lots of "move-the-pictures" time... Please note I'm not a professional photographer and I was only using a camera phone so pardon the poor quality :P

Adriel and Fabriz sleeping on the bus on the way to Khon Kaen. Everyone saw aww...

A picture I took to attempt to remember the thai words for plus minus times and divide for the maths camp...

A picture of the children and the missions team in the AIDS orphanage.

Mr Leong being tickled by the children and trying desperately to direct them to me. Obviously it didn't work which is why I could take this picture =)

Along with the fellowship we came to bring the slum people, we brought along an interactive game which is quite infectious...

It spreaded fast. And you can see that it does hurt a fair bit (no the hand behind doesn't represent paper. It represents a hand going at high velocity to meet another hand.)

The children at the slums participating in the mini chapel that we brought to them

The great clothes giveaway!

And the food too!

Charles Ng performing!! hahahaha Anyone hasn't seen the YouTube video yet? Go search under Charles Ng :D

Here is the story: Gareth instigated a few people to join his NCC squad to "perform" during the birthday/farewell dinner in front of everybody including big Ng. And this is the latter coming after one of the unfortunate members of the squad.

The aftermath. I was part of the squad too and I received my due reward later on...

Group picture! Which is also the picture which told me my flash wasn't working very well

The condo-like hotel which we stayed in in Udon Thani

A message from Kenneth to Russell who gladly accepted it as sauce for his french frice... fri.. fry... whichever

English in Thailand =)

And an attempted translation in the supermarket

What I got from the salad buffet area

Some stuff from the night market. Beautiful isn't it? Handmade trees from glass.

And they got roses too

And this one.. is a pig in a star structure... like duh. My sis would love that but I concluded that if I bought any glass stuff it would just break and any thing like <<<<>

Another item at the night market - supposedly a belt but doesn't it look exactly like the BB crest :P

Yup... that's all the pictures so it's back to my original post for the mission trip. Enjoy - that's if' you really are so free as to read it. It's really dry I tell you first.
======================================================

Ok... like 1 and a half months overdue as mentioned in my previous post. Anyway, this is gonna be a log for 10 days and is more of a memory than a post for others to read, but nevertheless if you want a taste of how your teachers read EEs then read this double maybe even triple EE length post =) Ok so an introduction to this mission trip before I begin the logging... I felt a calling from God to go for this trip as I felt God wanted me to do more than just join the CF comm. He wanted me to serve Him in a more "hands-on" manner. Hence, I felt called to go for this trip and by God's grace, my parents did not object! Praise God =) This feels like GP... Point, explanation, evaluation.... Ok ok back to the point. I was in Kenneth's group with David, Malcolm, Joshua, Evelyn, Min Kyeong, Daniel.. and Kenneth (obviously) I'm sorry if I missed anyone out.. my memory isn't that good. Anyway, we were somehow called.. BUBBLES. Which wasn't used very much. Only one person in the missions team with the garethness used BLOSSOM to call his group. I wonder who...

In Khon Kaen, I stayed in room 1010 with Daniel and opposite was Kenneth and Gareth (yes, just great) in the linked room, 1012. The prayer/logistics room was room 1001 which was open to everyone to, as the name suggests, pray.

Short forms used:
CC - Christmas Concert (basically a rip from Lifehouse:Everything skit)
KK - Khon Kaen
KKC - Khon Kaen Church
KKCS - Khon Kaen Christian School
QT: Quiet Time
. That's about it. I can't think of anymore short forms which I used often... Now to the mission.... pre-mission trip itself (which is really long)

Pre-mission trip
I can't remember much so yeah. Basically just telling us about the Thai culture, basic communication, how to evangalise etc. Of course there was lots of prayer preparation.

Day 1 - Saturday
Reached the airport at around... 5.30am I think. zzz There wasn't much to do except say the "hi"s to the team and the people who came to send us off =) Well, the very first problem came when we found out that Lee Min booked the wrong ticket... to be precise she booked a ticket for Friday i.e. 1 day ago and we had to change it. That would only be possible if someone didn't check in before the gates closed..

Well, shortly after Christine came to know about the problem and hey guess what? She had her ticket transferred over to Lee Min! Conclusion was perhaps that was why God had told Christine not to go for the mission trip after she had booked the ticket. Was all a blur at first but the things turned out fine in the end =)

So, we took off and landed in about.. 3 hours or so in Bangkok I think... And not too long after that we went to board a bus which was.. surprisingly small considering all of us packed full luggages (including logistics). In the end, we simply boarded the bus and left our luggage behind while another van was called for to pick it up.

At some point where we stopped for our first proper meal in Thailand, I pulled out my wallet and found 25 baht left - just enough to pay for the meal I asked for (the rest of my money was in the luggage). Whew. The noodles were kinda chewyish and... not say it was bad it was just.. different.

So after that we boarded the bus again for another few hours of the ride and reached Charoen Thani Princess Hotel (in KK). Didn't take long for us to realise the bus was smoking away when we got down. It was as if it was gonna break down if it travelled just a centimetre more!

So early in the trip already and God had showed His faithfulness in so many ways. Indeed, if God wasn't there for us, we wouldn't have the first day of the trip so easy going...

Next on the agenda after checking in and stuff was to go to KKCS. From a distance, the shining lights, the carefully set out tables and the decorated stage could be seen. From what we knew, that welcome was one which they put the least effort in compared to the past few years when other mission teams arrived. Nevertheless, it was one of the warmest welcomes I've ever had. Smiles spread across the faces of the Thais and several wais were made when we made eye contact. Even though the language barrier was a huge problem, they still made a noticable effort to communicate with us and to make us feel at home. They certainly were extremely hospitable.

I had the first feel of the school. And what we were told was really not false. The Thais would do anything to make you happy. It could be clearly seen in the little things they did like pouring coke when our cups were still half full and bringing another tray of meat when we still had two full plates on the table!

After the dinner we returned to the hotel and were told to pray for the room to cast out any demons or evil spirits which might be lurking inside... I had never done this before and felt really weird... But well, it was always good to pray for the Holy Spirit's presence to fill the room!

We had our first debrief of the day followed by a group discussion session. Not really a discussion but more of praying for each other. My prayer request was simply for God to give me a conviction as I was seeking one for the trip but not hearing anything yet. I had long been convicted of unity in Christ and service with love but was unsure as to where to apply it. The only thing I was sure was that God didn't really impress it so much on me for this trip. Some time ago though, I was praying for this trip and I heard from God to "search deeper within". Only problem is God doesn't elaborate all the time.

Well, we were also told to pray for the toilet..? Now that was becoming really weird. But we did anyway. After leaving the prayer room, I found John and Daniel in room 1010 so I went back to Charles Ng's room and had a casual chat regarding my Christian background, conviction etc.

Later on, I returned through Gareth's room as an "uninvited guest" in some unofficial meeting but was told to join them anyway. We had a short worship session and Gareth was talking about having God's heart for the people and some other things which pointed to repentence. Those up for it would be fasting tomorrow (or today... 1 am already).

Back in 1010, I had a similar uneasy feeling prior to the trip and it didn't help things much when Adriel and Fab gave the primers some messages (around 1.30am) which were parallel to my suspicions. Daniel and Gareth thought nothing was wrong but they did seem a little concerned.

During QT, I turned these problems and stuff to God and reflected about the day. Kenneth came to talk to me after that and I told him too about this unknown source of uneasiness in me... And he told me that maybe God just wanted me to keep watch. Keep it in view but don't let it distract me too much.

That's the end of day 1. Phew... Only 1 day and it's been quite overwhelming already.

Day 2 - Sunday
We woke up at 7am for QT... well the rest did at least. As for me, I just went back to sleep. From experience, I couldn't do QT for nuts in the morning. I'll just get knocked out. God wouldn't allow me to sleep unless I do my QT anyway so it's always at night ^_^

Somewhere around 8 I woke up, freshened up and rushed down for breakfast. First breakfast in the Chao Princess hotel place and I ate a lot. Wanted to try some of everything or was it in preparation for the fast? I didn't know.

We had worship and devotions in the prayer room after breakfast. It was about Jesus feeding the five thousand. In John 6:6 Jesus asked Philip what would he do? Not that He didn't know what to do but Jesus was testing Philip. So posed to us, what would we do? Can we stretch our faith and give our five loaves and two fish and just let God multiply? Let's make room for God. Invite Him not to visit. But invite Him to STAY. We ended with a prayer and proceeded to the...

~River of Joy Church~

It was a Thai service which was tilted towards the Charismatic side. We joined in the middle of worship and obviously, the lyrics were totally foreign to me. Worst than chinese. Yes there is actually a language harder to understand than chinese. It was a really small church but the worshippers were really strong in faith. Also, from the translation by Pastor Bill, the sermon was really meant for the "more mature" Christians.

The Church kind of reminded me of my situation in my family... A Christian in a non-Christian environment... In a way it might be a blessing. It helps to draw me closer to God as it forces me to seek Him constantly because if I don't, nobody in my family will help me do that. Only thing is, is the Church shooting without roots? From what I know, 90% of the new believers backslide. I pray that is not the case for that Church. We had a short talk with Pastor Bill and prayed for him before we left for lunch.

Kenneth, Daniel and I were fasting for lunch so we simply ordered a drink to sip on while the rest feasted in front of us zzz...

Next on the programme was the visit to the AIDS orphanage and we were told about this that this that, basically things to do with the transmission of the virus. Coincidentally, I had two quite long scratches on my arm as I was packing my luggage in quite a hurried manner 2 days ago... And they did say if you had any open wounds or scratches in the past 3 days, do not go. Nevertheless, I just plastered up and decided to trust in God.

We had a short prayer for the trip to the AIDS orphanage which covered the children there and those who were going (some people could not go as their parents did not allow it or had open wounds). This time, it was Gareth who felt uneasy... about the last minute prayers. In his words, it went something like, "Don't you feel weird? Past few days hardly any prayer and now suddenly pray pray pray. Do you have the conviction to go? Do you have the fervor to serve the people?" Yeah, typical Garethness. Well, I didn't feel so.. I'm not sure about the rest but I felt God wanted us to go there to love the children who were mostly abandoned.

My very first impression when I went there was simply JOY. The environment was just filled with joy from the little children. After a short tour of the orphanage, we proceeded to play a few games with them followed by praying for each child before we left.

At first I was wondering how they could be so joyful... I mean, if you know you are infected with some incurable disease that is going to take your life sooner or later, will you still be running around happily and shouting away? Maybe the children have nothing to care about, they are carefree and aren't burdened with anything. Are we ourselves too busy to even enjoy fellowship with God?

Later on, Adriel pointed out that the older kids were "hardened". Perhaps due to the insecurity they have experienced over the past few months where visitors simply came and never returned...

During dinner I decided to continue my fast as I didn't exactly feel any hunger or anything. I didn't exactly need to rely on God during the fast so I thought I would just continue the fast. But in the end, it all came to waste. What is fasting without prayer? I had to admit, I had close to or even zero prayer throughout my fasting period. The end result? I was simply made hungry. Full stop. No element of God at all in my fast. Another learning point in this mission trip.

We had worship and devotions at night about being broken. Are we broken enough to love God?Charles Ng told this story about a crippled widow with three sons whom she sent to Africa to evangelise... But they were all eaten up by some cannibals there. Someone asked her, does she feel regret? And yes, she did. She regretted she did not have a fourth son to send. She was broken for God and would sacrifice her all for him. Peter was not really broken. He claimed, "LORD I will never deny You" But soon after, he had no qualms about denying his relationship with Him. What does it mean to have a broken and contrite heart? The next song was the wonderous Cross. The words that really struck me was "my greatest gain I count but loss" Think about it.

Group sharing was pushed to tomorrow but nevertheless, we had a prayer session to pray for every team member. The primers had a meeting with Charlers about the general reflection about the day. And most people felt the churches in KK were really strong. Someone pointed out a verse regarding the AIDS orphanage. "The rejected one(s) became the chief cornerstone" -> are the children the future of KK? Of the world? We had a prayer session too for the people who were already falling sick.

After the primers were dismissed, I talked to Charles about my conviction hoping that he would help me to pray about my conviction as well.

It was only the 2nd day but I was learning faster and more than I thought I would. I was really really tired.. but God reminded me that I had to do my QT. A moment of slackening means the devil will strike and that isn't very fun

Day 3 - Monday
We had a group debrief for yesterday in the morning and I shared mainly about how I felt about the Church experience. We then had a prayer training session in the prayer room, as expected, by Charles Ng. One of his first few lines was "what dominates your thoughts dominates your prayers". Jesus' thoughts was for God's glory.

The centrality of prayer - glory of God
The purpose of prayer - pursuit of God
The cost of prayer - everything

We cannot hold on to anything when we pray. We just need to lay down everything. If we desire to keep our lives, we'll lose it and vice versa. To love God is to love prayer - surrender all thoughts that come during prayer. There's no better way to learn prayer than to pray.

We had worship at intermediates and there was a spiritual high in the room for sure. It was then God spoke to me again during worship - *Don't let this be just another moment of a spiritual high or a singspiration. Make worship a lifestyle.* Indeed, singspirations aren't what God looks for in us.

We had a team fast over lunch followed by a prayer walk around KKCS and then the city of KK. It was a rather charismatic thing to do and I didn't exaclty know how it was done or what to look out for but somehow I saw some things which amde me feel that God was going to restore KKCS, especially in the spiritual aspect. I didn't get anything during the prayer walk at the city though. We had a team sharing after the prayer walk. The two main sharings came from MinKyeong: The people in the city are trapped. And then from Joshua: The cleansing of the feet will cure the dryness of the land. KKenneth got convicted differently - felt that KKCS was not exactly being revived by God due to the new and old areas of the school. Maybe it meant replacing the old with the new?

We had a maths camp preparation after that followed by an unofficial prayer session where we prayed for the people helping our at the Christmas concert - a concert targetted at evangelising to the Thais. We prayed mainly for the Holy Spirit to manifest at the concert and that the hearts of the people will be softened to receive the Word.

We had dinner followed by worship and sharing and I heard about the experience of the prayer talk from other team members. I learnt quite a bit especially for the slum people who were described as being more receptive and more spiritually dependent (although they had their minor gods and all to pray to). But anyway, the fact that they rely on spiritual help, they were the key target for this mission trip.

For some reason, I had a strange inner peace at night when we all returned to our rooms to do our QT, bathing etc. Perhaps God has relieved me of what was troubling me? I proceeded to doing my QT but shortly after Fab came and told me that he prayed for Emil and Evelyn (who apparently had some problems) and resolved their conflict with one another. Hey praise God! But at the same time, I felt quite disappointed with myself. God was telling me to do something about the two of them before the trip started but I only thought about it. No action at all. In the end, God sent someone else (in this case Fabriz) to do it. Have I failed Him? But either way, God was teaching me a lesson. Still, praise Him for the team is now more united =)

Day 4 - Tuesday
Day four started quite badly for me. I was extremely tired already and it was only the fourth day..! The usual happened, wake up, wash up, breakfast, rush to prayer room. We had devotions again, this time telling us to let go of anger, perfectionalism and intellectualism.

Anger: The story of Mary and Martha: Are we sometimes like Martha, blaming God for how things turn out when we aren't even seated at His feet to listen to what He has to say to us but are instead distracted by other worldly things?

Perfectionalism: I kinda dazed out so I didn't catch what was being said...

Intellectuallism: Child-like faith -> Enter the Kingdom of God like a child. Children listen by relationships and not logic. We don't need to understand why this is this and that is that, just understand that we should trust in God fully.

We had our maths camp after devotions followed by lunch in KKCS and it was debrief already. The day in general was spiritually uneventful. We went to the YWAM (Youths With A Mission) service which was a Church run by korean missionaries. As before, although the church was small, the church was strong and I felt God's presence fill the place during the worship (again in Thai. Duh.) The sermon was given in Thai too but there was this kind soul who offered to translate the sermon for us. To be honest, he wasn't exactly that good hahaha but hey that's better than listening to a bunch of gibberish to me. From what I picked up, the preacher's main points were:

Jesus is hope and we have peace in Him
Do not fear because in Jesus, we have hope
Spread His love. As we have freely recieved, freely give

There were some questionable points I found though, how mature were the Christians there? Have the been prepared? Evangelism is important, but are they substituting spiritual growth for that?

We had a meal in the church and prayed for the pastor before we left. The debrief at night was a sharing from Ms loke about her experience in Thailand. She was flying off at 6.30 am the next day so we sent her off with a prayer.

We had a short primers meeting (scolding actually..) followed by supper. Many people went out to some famous noodle stall recommended by Big Ng but I decided to stay in the hotel. Petrina (who stayed too) came to my room after we both finished bathing, supposedly for a food party but guess what? Gareth came in asking about the prayer walk and his normal Gareth-like question: Was it life changing? Well no, it was just a learning experience... He said that he felt nothing and felt quite uneasy.. (his turn now) and said he got some.. scary verse..? I never found out what it was.

Somehow his entry gave Petrina and I a topic to discuss on other than just bullshitting as we do best in the Primers' room with Fab and the rest. She started about something regarding the end times so I shared about my journey as a Christian very briefly and noted about how Churches and Christian ministries have been going much deeper in. They were going for quality over quantity. As in, they won't care if they chased away the whole Church but retained 10 Christians who were very strong in faith. No more of God loves you, God is good etc. It was more of will you die for Jesus? Will you go forth to the nations and spread His word?

Petrina pointed out Ezekiel 7 which was identified by Lee Min and her. A really welcoming title met my sight (something about the end times) and then Joshua came in halfway, caught up with the conversation and said stuff about REVELATIONS. Is the end of the world really coming? It took 600 years for the prophecy of Isaiah to come through and now two thousand years later, the world has not yet come to an end.. Is it coming soon? As in really soon?

Day 5 - Wednesday
We had group QT in the morning after breakfast but again I could hardly concentrate or communicate with God as it was simply, the morning. We had morning devotions after that about the Cross. It was a symbol of death and shame. Will we take up the cross? Will we take up death and shame? Dead men care not what people say about them. What about us? Are we dead to our sins and the world? A wounded spirit leads to bitterness but a broken spirit leads to desperation. Desperation for Christ.

We had the day 2 of the maths camp followed by CC preparation. The day (like yesterday) was physically filled but spiritually untouched. The night debrief was a sharing by Thong Bin and Wai Keng who were co-missionaries in Thailand for years. We heard about their testimony and their current activity in the Gerald Khoo World Harvest Foundation - a foundation which aimed at uniting the Churches around the world (or Thailand, not sure). They had a compassion for the people and asked us to pray for the teenagers and youths. They may have the experience, the methods, the funds and all, but they need God's guidance

Somehow, uneventful as it was, I was drained both physically and spiritually. I was forced to depend on God for physical strength and spiritual refreshment.

Day 6 - Thursday
Once again, we had group QT in the morning... zzzz..... I was spending time more on reading than actually spending time with God. We had devotions in the prayer room after a rushed breakfast. The key verse was Luke 21:17 - We will be hated for His name's sake. Will we stand against the trials? The cross represented the crucifixion of our LORD Jesus Christ. Some of us wear the cross on ourselves. But not all of us know that it is actually a symbol of sin and shame, not of glory and power.

Day 6 was again a spiritually uneventful morning afternoon and evening. We had the last day of the maths camp, followed by lunch and then CC practise and an evening nap which many of us dearly needed. Everybody was tired already. Dinner was next followed by devotions.

It was about God's desires over ours. God is longing to answer our prayers. He loves the children and city more than we do and yearns for a revival me than we do. Faith is dependent on how well we know a thing. The more we know God, the stronger our faith in Him. There was a story of this boy throwing hamsters >_< Day 7 - Friday

Breakfast at 7, QT at 8, prayer room at 9. Guess what, I woke up at 9. We had worship which was really the ol' primary school songs with the actions in them. It reminded me of how the seed was planted in my heart so subtley by God during my primary school days. Devotions was by Mr Jonathan Ng who used Ruth 1 for the whole thing. It was about Ruth who stayed faithful and Orpah who left and disappeared into history. Who will we be like? God gave a promise to king Solomon, king David, Abraham and all but not Ruth. 12th coy has come on this mission trip not with a promise from God but with only a calling. Will we still stay faithful though the future may seem uncertain to us?

We had lunch after that followed by a slum visit and helping out in the area. I saw the conditions in which the people lived in and compared to the blessed life in Singapore, they were living in horrendous conditions. We interacted with the children and after some time, I could see they also had so much joy and happiness, so much like the children in the AIDS orphanage. Why can't we be as happy as them everyday even though we're so much more blessed than they are? Work? Projects?

There was a chapel like session for the slum kids, so much like in ACJS so many years ago. Worship with the little hand actions and all, and a modified parable of the prodigal son given my Mr Chow, using toys for money. I felt hope for the children and at the same time misgivings. Hope because I was wondering if they would have their foundation planted there just like ACJS did for me? Will they have the "gradual acceptance" experience? But misgivings because will they only know about Christ just like I did as well? Are they simply saying Christmas is about Jesus, they want to go to heaven, or participating just because it is fun or going with the flow? Or is this really the child-like faith God is looking for in us? It was evident that the children there knew that God really loves them and the parents and the village chief did not seem to react negatively to what was preached or to the Christian environment!

We gave out food and clothes after that and interacted more with the children. From this visit alone, I learnt even more things. We returned back to KKCS and then the hotel after that as it was too dark to go into the slums to talk to the people there. Many more people were falling sick, including me. We prayed for the healing of everybody who weren't feeling well. I told myself that I needed to rest well as God wants us to have fresh minds for Him to use us.

We had worship and devotions at night and Charles Ng talked about faith. Following Christ is expensive but we need to lay down what little we have of worth, give it to God and He will multiply. Abraham only had one son even though he was promised descendents like the stars and Moses did not enter the promised land. Faith is built upon hope. It is the substance of things hoped for. People lived in faith and died in faith. They did not see promise fulfilled in their lives but by faith, their promise was fulfilled. Again, there was an emphasis on surrender and repentence.

I unintentionally saw part of Mr Chow's letter to Gareth and it wrote there 1 Peter 4:7-11. Verse 7 again pointed to the end of the world. But Mr Chow told Gareth to take note of verse 10 which was talking about helping one another. Clearly, the focus was different. Am I not listening carefully, or is God telling each one of us different things for different purposes?

There was a prayer meeting at 10 but I did not attend it as I felt I couldn't meet God in prayer until I laid everything down before Him. My troubles and questions for Him were building up with each passing day...

Day 8 - Saturday
There was again devotions in the morning and again, I missed breakfast. The verses used was Exodus 33:15-23. God showed His glory by His goodness and His name. He cannot show it with His face or man will perish. Maybe he also doesn't want another "golden calf" to be built and worshipped with His face on it? The "golden calf" would not reflect the full glory of God which is an insult to Him if built. Men sin not because they love sin too much but because they love God too little. Once again, there was an emphasis on surrender. We were told to leave the prayer room and not to enter it again until we surrendered everyting.

I spent time time in 1010 surrendering whatever I felt I needed to, to God. I re-entered the prayer room quite quickly but had not fully surrendered yet. However, I did mange to surrender everything inside the prayer room and I found tears coming down my face. Tears of joy. I understood how good it felt to leave everything to God and expereince the fullness of His joy filling my heart. And also realised how the children could be so happy and joyful. Charles Ng emphasised the point: the result of surender is JOY. PURE JOY. TEARS OF JOY. Surrender is not a one time thing. It's a process, an everyday thing.

Mr Jonathan Ng added on after that: This mission trip is very differnt from the rest of the Dec mission trips. After asking a few people like Gareth and Mr Chow, he added that God is dealing with us in a very personal way. He is making us surrender and agonize with Him over sins just like Jacob, one by one.

After the rather solemn period of surrender, we had lunch and then proceeded back to the hotel for the CC rehearsal. After that, we went early to KKCS to walk around the school to pray. We prayed at the gates, at the stage and at the field where children could be heard rehearsing carols. We also prayed for the chairs that the people were going to sit on. However, due to time constrain I only covered 4 rows while the rest covered a few other rows. Not all the chairs were prayed for but we were called back. Back up at the chapel, I said a general prayer from the level 3 chapel. Then it occured to me that in Mark 10:16, it said that Jesus layed His hands on them, meaning He prayed for each individual. We should have done the same too but unfortunately we were limited by time.

We had a prayer and worship session at the chapel before the CC started. There was loud singing of praises and worship with strong prayers incorporated in. Again, it did not feel like another plain emotional experience but one where everyone really sought God and were crying out to Him for the people. The company theme song "One in vision, one in Christ" was also sang and everyone went to their knees at the chorus. It was a beautiful moment and we knew that God's presence was so real. We were confident He would work on the people's hearts during this CC.

We had dinner after that and I made a last minute decision to fast for the concert. I was praying that God would move the hearts of the people, touch them and bring them to know Him in such a personal way. We also had a short prayer before the CC people went up on stage to perform. Turned out that the skit we did appeared even better than every single one of our rehearsals as this time it wasn't just a rehearsal. It was the actual thing. And we were really doing it for God and God alone in front of the people He so loves. Though we found out that we somewhat rushed through the skit (hey everyone was nervous), we were glad that by God's grace, the skit was a success.

We returned to the hotel for debrief then had some meeting regrading surrender. The final aim was to have a corporate surrender for the whole mission trip team. Is it achievable? Noone knew but one thing was sure. It would be very tough especially because there were so many issues to address. We ended the session after much QnA with Mr Jon. Ng. We were supposed to continue at 7am the next day.. which never really did happen.

During my QT I gave thanks to God for letting me know how tremendously good it felt to surrender all the things that burdened me to Him and to be able to seek Him without barriers i.e. opening all the doors in my heart without leaving any private area. I realised that whatever once filled my heart left a void when I removed it and left it at His feet. What happened to the void? The joy of the LORD filled that void and much much more. The feeling is really amazing.

Day 9 - Sunday
QT was in the morning and as before, I was reading the bible more than I was communicating with God. Today, we went to KKC which was right beside KKCS. It wasn't exactly a small church. Maybe slightly bigger than mine in fact, with the land area much much bigger than my church but anyway, it was a church for the people in the area and we attended a youth service before going for the main one.

We had a short introduction to one another as we met the Thai youths who attended the Church. The pastor preached from the scripture of Romans 12:12 which told us to be holy sacrifices for our holy God. I didn't really get much even though there was quite a good translator translating (what else..). So after that, we split into small groups and prayed for each other (Thais and Singaporeans) then proceeded to the church service...

where we performed the skit again. The stage was really small, much smaller than we thought but we believed that such a small space constrain problem would not be an obstacle to us or God as we were again, performing for our great God. The pastor from YWAM came to speak at KKC, again preaching about evangelism and how we should go out and proclaim the good news to others. Again, the same concerns from me arose... But nevertheless, I tried not to be too troubled by it. We had lunch in KKC then went back to the hotel.

Mr Evan Yap came to share his testimony as to how God has brought him through and how he has been sustained throughout the two years in KK where he came to obey his calling. He told us his prayer requests and after he left, we had a short meeting about surrendering... again...

There was a farewell/birthday dinner (for Arjan Songsri's husband) for us at KKCS, after which we returned back to hotel for a worship session which eventually became a surrendering session, which was really very sudden. We didn't expect it so soon again..! Have we properly guided the team? I don't think so. Nobody thought so. Surrendering is extremely hard, especially the closet sin that we tend to hide even from ourselves as it would hurt to much to open the wardrobe and remove that rotting skeleton from inside.

I tried to take it to a more personal basis after the "surrendering session" by engaging Malcolm in conversation... and Gareth just had to interrupt halfway... and so it ended there. There was a short "debrief" about surrendering and it was noted that we needed to put a personal touch into it, making sure everyone is clear about surrendering. The how the why the what and eveything else.

Once again, the irony showed. God has moved really strongly in this trip. The thing is, He moved in us. The 12th coy and not KK. In trying to bless KK, God instead showers blessings on us by working on us more than in the people of KK. Why? Why? I don't know. We don't know. I noticed that the joy I experienced yesterday was missing today, as if i have never surrendered to Him at all. I wrote out the possibilities as part of my QT and got the following:

God wanted me to know how awesome it felt to leave eveyrthing to Him?
I have not fully surrendered?
I have taken back what I have surrended?
More things are starting to bother me?
Uncovered and unsurrendered closet sin?
A conviction to pray harder?
Or not seeking Him enough?

God has yet to answer me.

Day 10 - Monday
We started off the day writing cards for the KKCS teachers as a form of encouragement with breakfast halfway through. Soon after, we had a bus ride to Udon Thani, checked in, had lunch, followed by shopping, dinner and more shopping zzz... The mission trip was unofficially over already since we had left KK.

We had deovtions at the new prayer room at the 6th storey. 2 Timothy 3:1-9 was the verse regarding the the last days and it pointed out that it would be times of distress. The verse was addressed to Christians rather than pre-believers. The predominant questions asked were, "are we having godliness without its power? How much do we exercise our faith outside church? Are we always learning but not able to accept the truth?" We have been substituting knowledge for truth. We know so much but have so little power. If we have godliness without power, knowledge without truth, our faith will remain a mustard seed and not grow. We can pray and fast etc. but do we really know its purpose? "Are we trying to see revival in others without ourselves being revived? The true test of faith is when we see the fruit of the Spirit in us. The devotions was basically a whole bunch of questions directed at us to keep us in check.

Then, there was a time of surrender. It was an overkill I tell you. Surrendering is important but it has been over emphasised in this trip for sure..! This time, we were told to write down whatever sin was troubling us. Whatever sin God was telling us to surrender and it would only be between us and God. Somehow, I felt God was telling me to surrender something to Him but I was unable to identify it.

First and possibly the last time I approached Gareth on my own accord to talk to Him about it and he was, I could say, pleasantly surprised. Anyway, he told me that maybe I have surrendered it all, or I just have to wait for God to show me what else He wanted me to surrender. He told me to reflect on the mission trip. I also talked to Adriel and both of them told me not to worry too much. During my QT, I had a short time of reflection.

The rest of night was more fun stuff than spiritual stuff. Or should I say, just plain retardedness. Really. Gareth turned madder and grabbed like 30+ soap bottles from everybody's room and started to make a mega foam bath... But that night, I really praised God. He has been providing me which people to turn to whenever I needed help =) Thank You LORD.

Day 11 - Tuesday
We had morning devotions about making an altar or a mark to show our Christian faith, to ensure that we would have a checkpoint in future to make sure we do not fall away from God. One day, God forbid, officers and boys may backslide. We were told to write a letter to ourselves... Third time I did that. Feels really retarded but I did anyway.

The rest of the trip wasn't really much of anything other than shopping and travelling. Domestic flights are horrifying I tell you.

And when I touched down in Singapore, that officially marked the end of the mission trip, but never the end of our spiritual trip to eternity =)

First post on blogspot

2008-01-28T22:56:00.000+08:00

My first post on blogspot as the title so explicitly implies. Hmm let's see, I'm gonna make this blog a secret one such that Jinng Juun and Timoty can't find it (yes spelling incorrectly was intended so both of em will have a harder time hunting this down =D). And I'm gonna keep it secret till I finally learn how to make my blog presentable =D

So.. why suits of armour as my URL? Hmm, all dated back to my birthday in the year 2007. T3h 1337 Br1dg3 G4ng (+Bong) in 12th Coy got me a pack of cards called suits of armour. Each card except the picture cards and the aces had a bible verse on them (:

Suits of armour also reminds me of the armour of God which consists of

The belt of truth
The breastplate of righteousness
The gospel boots
The shield of faith
The helmet of salvation
The sword of the Spirit

It'll constantly remind me of what I need to put on before going out to the battlefield =)

Anyway, this blog will be specially dedicated to the One and only LORD and Saviour Jesus Christ. It'll serve as my altar to my Beloved King. Oh yes, back to those cool cards. Let's see what I can remember...

5 OF DIAMONDS: Go ye therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Matthew... 23:24-26? forgot =)

2 OF CLUBS (or was it spades): Now faith is the assurance of the things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Ok can't remember anymore, and I'm quite sure I typed them out wrongly. But anyways, once again, thanks guys =D

So...what do else do I want to put as an intro to muh blog? Hmm.. Ok for one, it is over 1 and a half months overdue. I'm supposed to do my KKMAD07 logging here to serve as a memory and a logbook... Now I was supposed to do it on the 19th of December 2007 but I was always too lazy to do so. So when I do get in the mood I'll be "b"logging for the 11 days in Khon Kaen.

Ehh.. until then, ta-ta I'm lazy to type anymore