God and disasters

Much talk and much news have been going on about the earthquake in Japan, and the tsunamis that are arising because of it. Here in the comfort of my own home, I'm nowhere in the position to empathise with those in Japan who are suffering, those who are dying due to lack of shelter, lack of food and the bare essentials. Death toll over a thousand and many more to come due to poor sanitation, outbreaks of infection and more. And that's not even considering the social and economical impact in the long run...

All these have led me to think back once again on one of the many questions I asked in the past... Why does God allow natural disasters to happen?

I've been thinking and I've been reading and I can't find the answer. There are so many... just so many different "answers" out there including some of mine that may~ seem to answer these, but none of them really fit too well

If all things are for the glory of God... how does this glorify God?
If all things work for the good of those who love Him... how does this work out for the good of those who love Him?
The list goes on.

We ask so many questions like that, hoping to find an answer but at the end of the day, they serve to do nothing and may even stumble us... I'm reminded of this phrase that I read somewhere before: "Sometimes it's not so much about finding the right answers, but rather asking the right questions" The point here is, are we asking the right questions? Are we meant to know the answers to the above questions in this lifetime? Perhaps not. We may not understand the answer even if we were told the answer in our faces anyway. Afterall, in Isaiah 55:8-9 we are told, "For My thoughts are are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth , so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts". We can only trust God and believe that He will make all things beautiful in His time...

Maybe the right question right now, and probably the more practical question right now would be, what can we do to help?

If even us, the creations of God are able to grieve for the people in Japan right now, people totally unrelated to us, people whom we don't know and never will, oh how many times more will God grieve for them? How many times more pain does His heart feel for them than we do? What can we do from over here? We can only pray. Brothers and sisters, let us pray for the people in Japan who are suffering right now. Let us pray for aid to reach them, pray for their safety, pray for their families. Let us pray with all our hearts...

Reminiscence

HAHAHA. I just went through my junk mail and received a notification from blogger that I had an old account which was about to be inactivated.. I went to the link only to find that probably 10 years ago I made a blog on battle on - another of those silly online RPGs. Went back to visit it and remembered that back then I wanted to make a game guide for that particular game on all the weapons spells armour etc in the game. Thinking back, I remember calculating something like I'll need say 10m gold to buy everything to test things out and was determined to do it... even though I took a few months just to farm 100k gold

Sigh~ memories from the past sometimes do evoke some laughter... Which actually reminded me that back then... I was so interested in gaming (much more so than now) that I aspired to be a computer game designer... I actually had a rough idea of an RPG... thinking of how I could make my very first game, upload it for people to get it free online and then grow from there. Then I started reading up on software programming and sorts, 99% of which was too complicated for an adolescent to understand. But one thing then was pretty sure: I had lofty dreams.. and more noticably so - I actually had time to do that nonsense.

Just a random thought: I wonder if God has ever called anybody into the gaming industry? Heh. That'll be rather interesting. Both from the perspective of the one being called and from how God would be able to work through that person in that particular industry

As for me, I know my calling. I'm rather content now with just playing games now and then when time allows rather than making them (especially since I've seen how you can never please even 80% of a player database with whatever you do). And definitely, I'm 100% content with where I am right now for I know this is where God has placed me. Coming back to the 'lofty dreams' part, being a doctor was yet another of my childhood ambitions... and I believe this passion was placed in me way before I even knew God for who He is.

Ok. Enough of the past. Back to the present. Exams are in 8 days and I'm nowhere near as stressed as I'm supposed to be even though I know I'll only be completing 1 round of study with no revision... Good or bad? I don't know. But I pray that once again, God will help me through this paper.

16 days to pros

First of all - Happy birthday AC =)

Just did a rough plan on how I'm going to cover my whole syllabus within the next 16 days; crap. I'm quite screwed heh. So much for taking it easy the past few days. On the brighter side, my studying pace has been picking up quite appreciably although not satisfactorily. It'll get better I believe... or I hope.

Averaging 10 hours of sleep a day. Now if only that could be translated into better productivity and better quality in studying.

Study~study~study - may seem like a mundane thing to me now, but if I could only just view it... as something required in future... to know what's happening in every patient before me... maybe that ought to be my motivation; rather than just studying to pass

So how does it all add up?

VCF today and dinner with couple of VCF seniors + batch mates yesterday. Put this two together and I got myself thinking quite a fair bit...

My thoughts have been revolving around commitments to VCF and academics... oriented more towards the long term view of it.. Many questions have surfaced; many can't be answered; those that can only serve to generate more questions

-VCF-
It doesn't really take much of a rational person to feel that going for VCF is "a waste of time". Considering how e.g. today, I'm back at 10.30pm, all drained and tired, knowing I need to study but simply am unable to focus. And also how the cell group/bible study discussions aren't exactly the way I expected it to be when I first joined (but definitely not implying it isn't good). Then after that comes the need for people to step up into leadership positions, of which I'm totally unsure if I can commit, or even be up to the mark for it

Now of course, those points alone would probably mean that I should have quit eons ago. But then, I come to think about how the fellowship within VCF is so warm and so cheerful; it's yet another avenue of which I can remain grounded in the Word; and the part that I sort of enjoy are parts where there are discussions, tending somewhat towards the theological side where there are differing opinions and views... nobody knows for sure who is right or wrong except God Himself. One such example: Did Jesus die for the elect, or for every single person? (and somewhere for the cats and dogs too came in o.O) It's discussions like these which lead me to probe further, and to know the Bible better. Not forgetting too that there are occassional reminders being thrown out here and there during group discussions about our daily lives and spiritual lives.

I'm supposing that the overall picture comes to what I'm doing now: Go for VCF when I'm in school (since I'm there already anyway) and probably play the disappearing act when I'm not. It all seems good, until the question about CGLing comes up. No way can I maintain this pattern of attendance if I'm to lead a group. Which brings up more questions: Am I able to commit time to VCF as a CGL? Will I even be alert enough during the sessions considering how clinicals will be so much more drianing? And most importantly: Am I spiritually mature enough to lead a group? - to the last question, I'ld doubt it.

Then comes the questions for the academic part... most of which stemmed from the dinner yesterday. Summing it all up into a bunch of questions:
~ How important, really, are grades?
~ And again, how important are they, after considering the new residency programme?
~ What is it, that we truly hope to achieve after these 5 years?
~ Do we know how exactly life would be like next time? As a GP, as a specialist?
~ Looking not so far ahead: do we/would we fully understand and empathise with the patients in the bed, who are "at the mercy" of medical students?

I was thinking about all these issues on the way home in the train... Unfortunately, instead of finding answers, my thoughts drifted to how my life has changed since uni started... I realised that since the start of uni, I haven't really had much time to think about such problems. School days were effectively burned, holidays were spent either studying or doing things that would never otherwise get done during school days e.g. going overseas, catching up with past friends etc

And how about the upcoming years? Life doesn't seem like it'll get much better. Now add on the fact that I'm currently studying at a pathetically slow rate (which would 101% mean supps if I keep this up) and the fact that, for an unkown reason, I've been ravaged by the sleep monster lately (12 hours of sleep a day would seem just sufficient for me now =s)... I really don't know where I'm currently at... ... ... And oh dear. I just remembered EAMSC too. Did I really make a bad decision joining?

So how does all this add up? Sigh~ questions, more questions and lack of time. Isn't this an evergreen phenomenon? I really don't know when I'll get the chance to find answers but somewhere, somehow, sometime I'll have to

The 27 hour day

From 7am to 10am.

Sequence of events went from uneventful school to EAMSC interview, on to Worship Under The Stars at ACJC and then to the crazy bunch of rangers.

Thinking about whether to apply to the EAMSC comm was really a tough decision. It all had to do with thinking of how it would all balance out: EAMSC, school/clinicals, VCF. On one hand, it would be lots of fun and a load of experiencing + networking gained for being part of EAMSC while on the other hand, that would mean less time, less energy and less commitments in other areas... most notably school and VCF - at least for what i foresaw. In the end, I decided that I would just apply, and if God wills it, I'll get through the interview to be selected.

Today (after waking up at 2+pm =x) I read the sms came in - that I'm in the committee. With whatever thinking capacity I had in my sleepy state, I looked into still air as I wondered about the coming year (and also a bit on how come I got a similar but still different post from what I applied for o.O). Even right now, the planning stage has already begun and I fear to think of how busy things will get in the coming year. But as always, I take comfort in the fact that God would never put me into something without giving me the strength to go through it

Worship Under The Stars~ and a ceiling. The event was moved to the hall due to rain even though at 7pm there was zero rain left falling. Oh well, it was still great to back in ACJC, feeling the nostalgia as I walked past the north lodge, concourse, field etc. Great to see seniors, juniors and techers once again and most of all, the experience of worshipping God back in the hall. Then during the short sermon, I suddenly found out that =O i'm a J5. Gosh. Time flies. It was so long ago that I was still having fun in ACJC, virtually free of stress (at least compared to now) and so much more carefree. Time changes so many things...

Proceeded on to dhoby ghaut after that to meet up with the bunch of crazy people who choose to meet at 10pm instead of 10am. A night of LAN, movie and coffee + later breakfast... I'm thinking - for how long more would I be able to do this? But then again, I would rather stick to the standard afternoon meeting time even if there somehow is time for me to do it again lol

So ended up coming home, and by 10+, concussing on my bed after a refreshing shower. Such days are tiring, but usually the most tiring days are the most fulfilling days :) How nice if everyday was devoted to worshipping God and meeting friends... yea, that'll be good... mm... ok i'm back to reality

The coming academic year... or even now will probably will be much terribly busier than before due to EAMSC but I believe that God will provide. And in all things, I shall aim to do things for Him and not for man. LORD, may You see me through with Your blessings

The past month

Since my last post, many things have come and gone, main highlights being CA2 and yesterday.

So i was wondering why I thought my CA2 will be just as good or rather, just as bad as my CA1 even though the syllabus was supposedly much more easy going.. then I realised that I only spent half the time studying for it than I did for CA1. Which reminds me, I better get back to studying for finals >_>

But it seems like the past 1 and a half years odd in uni has really changed my tolerance level for stress... to the extent where I can actually continue studying just that wee bit below the pace at which I would burn out at and sustain it for a whole week or possibly more... to the extent where (sadly enough) there isn't really much joy left in finishing an exam anymore knowing that the next one is just around the corner.

If you ask me, I would say that I wouldn't really expect anything from my exams. I believe that as long as I put in my personal best, God will honour my efforts and give me what He thinks that I deserve or what I need... especially so since He was the One who led me to this course

Post-CA lectures as usual aren't exactly too forgiving but again, it's probably how things are and will be for some time. Not too much point mulling over it

Yesterday was quite a packed night for me, two 21st parties (+1 more psuedo 21st ... greeting.) and a nussu bash at st james'. Nothing much to say about that day really, except that it was good to have the company of friends, both past and present, and enjoy the fun and laughter that they bring =)

Most notably yesterday, was actually how I very very nearly got into an accident... shan't touch on the details, but oh how I was reminded about how silly mistakes that I make sometimes can result in dire consequences and more so, how God protects me each time I make a mistake... Thank You LORD for keeping me safe, just thank You so so much...

Once again I want to give thanks to God for seeing me through the past month and the grace that so freely showers upon me each day. Lessons and studying may not be the most enjoyable thing to do but I'll still do it for Him

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God" - 1 Corinthians 10:31

Midnight - school starts today

And an update.... ok so I've only completed 8 hours out of the 14 i wanted to heh. Blame it on my lack of perseverance. Things were going well on the first 2 days; 3.5 hours of webcast + study of related notes... personally that's a huge wow on my side considering how badly i've been studying XD

Then today and yesterday I just refused to study so much coz it was just so draining (12 hours of sleep a day up from 9-10 can more than testify to that). So I ended up doing only 1 more hour over the 2 days. how productive lol

Ok, so I've got to catch up on quite a bit once school starts... God has already given me a glimpse of what He can do with a bummer like me within those two days, so I believe that over the next 2.5 weeks that I have before the exams, He'll definitely show me more of just what He can do.

Anyways, school is starting in just over 8 hours and here I am still on the comp... Maybe I should have tried correcting my sleep-at-4am-wake-up-past-12 habit before today. From the looks of it (+ how I really still need 10 hours of sleep or more), chances are I'll just end up zombified again in school tomorrow. What's new right

Academics aside, the past week has been rather trying for me spiritually... Many things happening concurrently and yet independent of each other. So much for trying to concentrate on the task at hand. But I've been through worst storms; The God who has seen me through the past storms will definitely see me through this period as well.

Again, I'll see how things go, as of now, I'm better off lamenting on how 1 month of hoilidays (which is really a not so cleverly disguised study break) pass as fast as 1 week of school. Back to the study mood from tomorrow... sigh~

School's starting =(

So I was thinking... I've kinda bummed away the whole of December, not much study done. Heck, even those who went overseas have studied more than me LOL.

Last night I was doing some mental planning... I've got today, 31st, 1st and 2nd until school starts on the 3rd... And I figured I will probably only finish 30-50% of what school has covered so far before more comes - so screwed =x

But somehow, something triggered me to push for a little (or not so) bit more. To put my fatih in God and believe He'll help me with my studies. And so last night... I've decided that within these 4 days, I'll aim to complete 14 hours of webcast AND study that much worth of notes after the webcast. (For the record, I've only completed 6 hours of webcast + those notes over the past 2 weeks) That's a rough estimate of about a 8 fold increase in my study pace. Ugh~ God help me. I believe You can.

Blessed is the 25th of December

For on this day, 2010 years ago, the Saviour was born to us

"For to us a Child is born, to us a Son is given; and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace" - Isaiah 9:6

Who can even begin to perceive the greatness, the power and the majesty that descended to this earth to be with mankind instead of staying in the glory that He enjoyed in heaven?

On this faithful day, He came to dwell amongst man, to experience our hurts and pains, to understand the temptation we face, to go through all that we've been through and will go through. Despite all this, He remained sinless, holy and blameless before the Father, only to become the Lamb who was the Perfect Sacrifice for our sin.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have One who has been tempted in every way, just as we are — yet was without sin" - Hebrews 4:15

"We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all" - Isaiah 53:6

Let us not forget that the spirit of giving during Christmas stemmed from the ultimate gift that was given to all of mankind about 2000 years ago. And even more so, let's not forget to continually give thanks, praises, honour and glory to the One who became our gift of life.

Happy birthday Jesus :)

The past week

Hmm... where should I start... the week has been so packed (the main culprit being playhouse - although it was quite a fun and fulfilling experience) for me with so many things happening one after another

Playhouse was indeed an eye-opener (the actual play that is) and although I got pulled in at the last minute to help out with the sets/crew (aka saikang) it was definitely time worth spending: both with friends, and getting to know others better + getting to know new people. It was terribly exhausting but I would say that overall, it was a worthy investment

I remember how just last week I had been so bothered and disturbed about countless things (playhouse aside) that made me so stressed and almost jaded to the world around me. I sought the help of my parents, seniors, to some extent friends, and the counsel of God - All of which appeared to come to naught.

It was only until this week (or towards the end of last week... can't rmbr) that things started falling into place. And much more beautifully than I had expected or even wished for.

Once again, through the course of this week, God's grace has shone through my life and I am extremely grateful to Him~ The next 3-4 weeks ahead seem to be relatively more relaxed and less demanding than the past week... Maybe its time I started studying again after going through the avalanche of events

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. - Ecclesiastes 3:11"