Ploughing ahead

It's only been three days into school and things are already happening at bullet train speed. Not just academically, although that too has just been overwhelming. But the things happening around me aren't just academically centred.

In this short period of time, there's been so much going on, some were joyous occasions, others were somewhat more emotionally-draining. The common question to all these now, are: Where do I go from there?

Doors that used to be open are now closed, other closed doors are now opening, while doors which were never there are now starting to appear. It's all a haze when I start to think about my possible options and the different available routes. Weighing pros to cons, cost to benefit, there are so many things that I simply cannot put into perspective; worst still, it's all happening in this short timeframe. I'm currently at that point where i'm in between attempting to solve my problems and being jaded by what's happening. At times I just wish I could adopt the escapist attitude and find a window to throw things out rather than decide on which door to take. Or better still, if only God would just lay before me a bright red carpet towards the best door to go through and usher me in...

The only hope that is keeping me going now is that God has promised to be faithful and guide me in my steps.

"That is why we are not discouraged. Though outwardly we are wearing out inwardly we are renewed day by day" - 2 Corinthians 4:16

Random before school thoughts

Ok, so I aimed to finish the whole Abbas textbook during recess week and ended up finishing a quarter so far. How productive. So what do I do when I can't study/don't feel like studying? I do other things =D

So.. I dug up an old link that I saved for reading some 1 year ago and finally brought it up to read again. It's titled: Do Evil and Suffering Disprove the Existence of God? Pretty interesting read, although heavy on the mind if you try to analyze it... If you do read it though, the links on the page itself are broken so you'll have to change the number on the URL from 1>2>3 to go to pg 1/2/3 respectively

Anyways, I read it through, and on page 3, there was this line that sort of impacted me a decent bit:

"A child who is hurting needs, not an intellectual explanation, but reassurance"

I'm reminded of the times when I question God why, why and why. Up to now, I still don't have answers to many of the 'why's but I find that, each time I did slip into that mayhem of confusion and distress, the way I climbed out of it, wasn't by answers but rather by the reassurance by God. Answers would seem to be a better comfort but then, answers do lead to more questions. It's a never ending cycle.

In the same way, I find that whenever things start to weigh down, when it seems the whole world just comes crashing down, it's the reassurance of God that keeps me going. Even right now, as I'm on a sian/emo-streak with that void of emptiness within me, I pray that God will reasssure me of His unfailing love, His ever-lasting grace and His divinest comfort.

Sigh~ so much more to write about but I suppose I better get back to studying. Recess week wasn't too fulfilling; I wish I had another one. But I suppose having one week is better than nothing... From the optimistic viewpoint, there's still Sunday tomorrow =O

Edit: I just finished reading the last part of it and came across this line: "In addition, many Christians will testify that Christ provides inner resources to cope, as well as joy in the midst of difficulties and suffering when we trust Him. And He promises that He causes all things to work together for good to those who love God." Amen! :D

VCF Fellowship Talk 140910

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Always put God first in everything you do;
Never make studying your first priority
- Professor Lockhart
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