CSFC

Day 2 of CSFC. Madness would be a good one word summary.

That being said, clinicals has been even better than I visualised it to be. The majority of the consensus I see about clinicals is that it kinda sucks - tiring and the like.

Personally, I feel that it's really a change from the standard lecture theatre setting, just sitting down, copying notes like a robot - information goes in from one ear, and comes out the other, only translating to words on distributed notes with nothing staying in the brain...

Although it's only been the second day, just these 2 days have shown me a totally different side of medicine. It's no longer as dead as before, being confined only to notes or at best, simulated patients. Being in the wards have shown me so much more, allowing me to empathise so much more with the patients, personally talking to them and examining them. Of course, I'm just one of those noobs knowing nothing. Difference is, I'm learning so much more and I believe that, over the course of the next few years, there'll be even more to learn, even more to discover and so much more room for improvement

Physically though, it's exhausting to say the very least. It's probably as tiring as the most tiring day I've had in school, just that it's happening/will be happening everyday. But I guess the important thing is, overall, I believe I'm enjoying myself much more now than I was in the past two years. Another big step in realising the joy of being in this profession. A calling indeed. One doctor today called it being self-righteous by saying it's a calling. I call it the perfect will of God.

Fatigue aside, I'm definitely looking forward to the future days, months and years ahead.

God and disasters

Much talk and much news have been going on about the earthquake in Japan, and the tsunamis that are arising because of it. Here in the comfort of my own home, I'm nowhere in the position to empathise with those in Japan who are suffering, those who are dying due to lack of shelter, lack of food and the bare essentials. Death toll over a thousand and many more to come due to poor sanitation, outbreaks of infection and more. And that's not even considering the social and economical impact in the long run...

All these have led me to think back once again on one of the many questions I asked in the past... Why does God allow natural disasters to happen?

I've been thinking and I've been reading and I can't find the answer. There are so many... just so many different "answers" out there including some of mine that may~ seem to answer these, but none of them really fit too well

If all things are for the glory of God... how does this glorify God?
If all things work for the good of those who love Him... how does this work out for the good of those who love Him?
The list goes on.

We ask so many questions like that, hoping to find an answer but at the end of the day, they serve to do nothing and may even stumble us... I'm reminded of this phrase that I read somewhere before: "Sometimes it's not so much about finding the right answers, but rather asking the right questions" The point here is, are we asking the right questions? Are we meant to know the answers to the above questions in this lifetime? Perhaps not. We may not understand the answer even if we were told the answer in our faces anyway. Afterall, in Isaiah 55:8-9 we are told, "For My thoughts are are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth , so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts". We can only trust God and believe that He will make all things beautiful in His time...

Maybe the right question right now, and probably the more practical question right now would be, what can we do to help?

If even us, the creations of God are able to grieve for the people in Japan right now, people totally unrelated to us, people whom we don't know and never will, oh how many times more will God grieve for them? How many times more pain does His heart feel for them than we do? What can we do from over here? We can only pray. Brothers and sisters, let us pray for the people in Japan who are suffering right now. Let us pray for aid to reach them, pray for their safety, pray for their families. Let us pray with all our hearts...

Reminiscence

HAHAHA. I just went through my junk mail and received a notification from blogger that I had an old account which was about to be inactivated.. I went to the link only to find that probably 10 years ago I made a blog on battle on - another of those silly online RPGs. Went back to visit it and remembered that back then I wanted to make a game guide for that particular game on all the weapons spells armour etc in the game. Thinking back, I remember calculating something like I'll need say 10m gold to buy everything to test things out and was determined to do it... even though I took a few months just to farm 100k gold

Sigh~ memories from the past sometimes do evoke some laughter... Which actually reminded me that back then... I was so interested in gaming (much more so than now) that I aspired to be a computer game designer... I actually had a rough idea of an RPG... thinking of how I could make my very first game, upload it for people to get it free online and then grow from there. Then I started reading up on software programming and sorts, 99% of which was too complicated for an adolescent to understand. But one thing then was pretty sure: I had lofty dreams.. and more noticably so - I actually had time to do that nonsense.

Just a random thought: I wonder if God has ever called anybody into the gaming industry? Heh. That'll be rather interesting. Both from the perspective of the one being called and from how God would be able to work through that person in that particular industry

As for me, I know my calling. I'm rather content now with just playing games now and then when time allows rather than making them (especially since I've seen how you can never please even 80% of a player database with whatever you do). And definitely, I'm 100% content with where I am right now for I know this is where God has placed me. Coming back to the 'lofty dreams' part, being a doctor was yet another of my childhood ambitions... and I believe this passion was placed in me way before I even knew God for who He is.

Ok. Enough of the past. Back to the present. Exams are in 8 days and I'm nowhere near as stressed as I'm supposed to be even though I know I'll only be completing 1 round of study with no revision... Good or bad? I don't know. But I pray that once again, God will help me through this paper.

16 days to pros

First of all - Happy birthday AC =)

Just did a rough plan on how I'm going to cover my whole syllabus within the next 16 days; crap. I'm quite screwed heh. So much for taking it easy the past few days. On the brighter side, my studying pace has been picking up quite appreciably although not satisfactorily. It'll get better I believe... or I hope.

Averaging 10 hours of sleep a day. Now if only that could be translated into better productivity and better quality in studying.

Study~study~study - may seem like a mundane thing to me now, but if I could only just view it... as something required in future... to know what's happening in every patient before me... maybe that ought to be my motivation; rather than just studying to pass