I love you - sincerely, Jesus

Today was a great day because of how it ended - a meetup with CF comm 07-08 to celebrate Liz's birthday and a farewell for dear Skyler... A night of laughter and chatter over a buffet: what an amazing way to break the monotony of school :) Best part is, aunty Ros even joined us for dinner and treated us to yoghurt after that hahaha thanks aunty Ros =) =) It seems that the longer we move away from JC, the longer the intervals are for when we are able to meet up as a comm to catch up with one another. Thankfully, little has changed, not our character, not our maturity (lol), not even our valued friendship and hopefully, not our devotion to God either. Being in the company of them definitely is an outlet of stress, thanks CF comm, and take care Skyler!!

Well, the highlight of this post really, is about my trip home given by aunty Ros (many thanks for more than just the car ride :)). Most people are relieved of their stress and worries by pouring it out to the other party. Aunty Ros on the other hand, was able to minister to me just by speaking on and on about seemingly random things. Somehow, these random things were so relevant to the problems and struggles I was currently facing tonight - as if God was using aunty Ros to attend to my needs at such a perfect moment... I've always been amazed about how Godly she is and how God speaks to and through her so clearly every single day...

"... I'm not really a person who knows songs very well, but these words came to my mind one day: I am forever in your life, I'll see you through the seasons... and these words repeated another two times; I began to cry. I asked God, why is it that You are willing to follow me through my whole life? ..."

"... I asked her and found out these words actually came from a song which went: You are forever in my life, You see me through the seasons. But the words that I heard, they came from God, it went I am forever in your life - it was God speaking to me..."

"... then I realised, God is telling me one very simple thing. He keeps telling me, I love you, I love you, I love you..."

My past two posts were just part of my many many thoughts running through my mind in the past few days or maybe weeks. Well, human nature tends to get me analyzing here and there... I attempt to find solutions, explanations or whatever else for the things I face. Sometimes it works, most of the time it leads to more thoughts, more troubles - mostly self inflicted. Going to church, praying more - all seemed to be the right thing to do when doubts arise, but ultimately there just seemed to be this thing within me that wasn't too right.

Tonight I found the answer. I've been looking at so many things and missing the most salient point - I've forgotten that Jesus is repeatedly telling me: I love you, I love you, I love you.

What joy, what comfort all that brings. To just know that the Ruler of the Universe loves me. His unfailing love, the Agape love. Love that surpasses all logic and overcomes all barriers.

God works in strange ways. Sometimes He babysits us through, sometimes he puts us through trials. But ultimately, we know that through all this, He is forever in our life, He'll see us through the seasons, because He loves us. He loves us so dearly. And when these trials have passed, we come out better and stronger. What more can we ask for?

Thank You Father, for the CF comm, for aunty Ros, for the people around me, for the trials You've put me through and above all, for Your unfailing love

Compassion fatigue

Compassion fatigue (also known as a secondary traumatic stress disorder) is a condition characterised by a gradual lessening of compassion over time. It is common among trauma victims and individuals that work directly with trauma victims. It was first diagnosed in nurses in the 1950s. Sufferers can exhibit several symptoms including hopelessness, a decrease in experiences of pleasure, constant stress and anxiety, and a pervasive negative attitude. This can have detrimental effects on individuals, both professionally and personally, including a decrease in productivity, the inability to focus, and the development of new feelings of incompetency and self doubt - Wikipedia

Today in clinics, one patient came in and spoke these few words that woke me up from my half dazed state "... It's about time I start becoming selfish and think about myself"

She was a teacher in some primary school who had a progressive case of back pain, so much so that now, she is sometimes unable to even walk properly - needless to say, it affects her work. Her work entailed more than just teaching in the primary school. She held a motherly figure amongst the students, acting as a counseller for them, being there for them in all situations, regardless of school or non-school related incidents e.g. she was there for a student who's dad passed away - there for him to cry out because that student didn't want to cry in front of his real mum for fear of worrying or further upsetting her...

And right then, while she was sitting with a terrible pain in her back, her concerns weren't so much focussed on her terrible pain but rather they were on people around her: her family and her job.. or more accurately, her students. The doctor spoke of what was called "compassion fatigue". About how taking up roles such as counselling makes us feel good when we counsel the first or the second person. But what about the 20th person, the 200th person? Can we go on forever counselling these people without us ourselves being affected one way or another?

Today, the doctor ended his clinic past 7pm. Not so much because he had too many patients, but rather because he (very willingly) spent so much time with each and every patient, addressing their concerns and expectations and even going on to talk about their daily lives. I heard from his Medical Officer that he sometimes ends past 9pm. Surely he himself has been or one day would be a victim of this 'compassion fatigue'?

But the thing is, he definitely doesn't seem to be hit by this problem. If going home everyday around 7-9pm is part of his routine, while other doctors are going home before 5pm, surely there is this something that's keeping him going, something that drives him forward to maintain this compassion without being fatigued...

It so happened that this very night, I met my aunt in the wards who was extremely concerned about her mother in law, who was just warded. She was so worried that she even asked me for a "second opinion" about her condition. After a period of (attempting to) giving advice and reassurance, she was so grateful and so relieved just to have me around, explaining things to her - and that's even when she knows that I'm coming from a position that is far from a qualified doctor, and even possibly a misinformed person.

The rewards of this job is definitely great, fulfilling and immesurable to say that very least. But then again, there comes the balance between self and others. While this profession calls for a selfless person, is it really possible to uphold this position when fatigue simply sets in?

~~~Just another one of my random thoughts~~~

On a side note: My aunt ended with: I wouldn't really call myself a Christian, but this time I'm really praying to Him, hoping that He will see her through....

Talk about inspiration

Back in the comfort of God's Hand

The Godhead, Three in One and One in Three
Fully God and fully Man
Omnipresent and omnipotent
How can man fully understand Your Power and Your glory

The past month of clinicals have been rather easy going, but ironically, at the same time, just plain tiring. Add on the 1 week trip to Hong Kong + needing to catch up (without knowing what to), it was seriously exhausting to say the very least...

After a 1 month hiatus of going to Church, I finally went back last Sunday to the House of God. The feeling of familiarity, comfort and joy simply swept over me once again. I came to realise that the past month of exhaustion was largely due to spiritual emptiness within me, one that couldn't be fulfilled with leisure or rest. Once again, I was reminded of the importance of Christ in one's life and the centrality of Christ in all that we do.

This week in SGH wouldn't have been very different from TTSH if not for the fact that I've relived the joy of resting in God, finding renewal of strength and energy from Him. The smallest things could bring me a cheerful smile, while the toughest things wouldn't bring me down. Not forgetting, He has also blessed me with so many special moments repeatedly and that will definitely keep me going, however tired I may get. Once again, I've begun to recognize and count my blessings around me, giving thanks to Him who is faithful and giving Him the glory that is due.

"If I see, I will believe"

"Believe, and you will see"