MBBS

So it's just under 33 hours to the final MBBS right now...

Not too long ago, I was ranting about how the biggest irony about the MBBS is it is supposed to prepare us to be doctors. But what I really am doing now, is studying the academically important and ignoring the clinically important. Of course, there are overlaps between these two. But where the overlap ceases to exist, out goes the clinically relevant things and in comes the exam oriented information - because, and only because the big exam is nearing.

Yet, some reason, while this is the biggest exam thus far, my stress level is probably comparable to that of a routine class test. The last minute anxiety induced stress that has always been present for the past 10 over years is seemingly missing. While I am terribly behind time, I'm still studying at a relaxed pace, still able to take breaks, be it with the TV or a random online game - there's definitely time to squeeze in the midst of this mad rush, the mass hysteria that seems to be hitting the batch, and hard. There are so many gaps in my knowledge, or maybe craters will be a better word, but somehow, everything seems fine to me

Perhaps I've been numbed by the countless exams thus far, happening on average once every 1-2 months. Perhaps I've never had this much to study and I'm just jaded by this all. Perhaps I'm just cheesed off by the fact that we're studying for the sake of the exam, more so than anything else.

The study break itself proved to be more than just a break for studying. Every now and then, in came extra obstacles. Other important matters (unrelated to exams) just seemed to pile in during this time. I dare say my main bulk of my stress during this period was from everything but the exam itself. I was being thrown off course by not so random emails, events, various struggles and decisions that had to be made in a short period of time - all while I'm trying to drown myself in notes.

It's been a tough time. Once again, regrettably, I have forgotten God and just left Him towards the end of the day or only spoke to Him whenever I thought I felt like it. When things didn't go the way I wanted them to, I started having more unhappiness instead of more faith. As more things began piling more, these feelings only proved to become stronger, to the extent where I started feeling so tired, so unmotivated, even more so than I was at the start.

However, through the course of this tiresome period, deep down, I realise and I know that God is here by me, walking with me, guiding me along, supporting me. I thought back about all my previous life events, all the big ones. I recall that since the very beginning, being the horrible planner I am, I never really planned anything. But still, things always fell into place. From the time I made the decision to enter the medical field, to the application and even through the past 5 years, I never really made any proper plans. Still, for some reason, everything unfolded so neatly before me. There can only be one reason...

And that is the reason why I believe that, though I am unsure how I will get through this exam, though I am unsure about the future, everything will go smoothly. If God has called me to this path, He will see me through, just as he has been all these years.

If God calls you to fly, He will give you the wings