Post post post MBBS

Just a jumble of thoughts, laid out in minutes while being really tired...

Results:

Passed. Thank You for Your grace Father. I know that passing was nowhere near due to my efforts but rather from His blessings... So much happened during the study period and there was so much I didn't know, even more that I didn't cover. But somehow, the exams were a breeze. I could probably think up 4-5 different papers that could be set in a way that would make me fail but I still made it. Thank You for giving me the wings when You bid me to fly...

Ward work:

Compared to an SIP... I'm now licensed, I now have responsibilities and now am in a position where my words hold weight with the patients. It's a huge transition. And through it all, I'm reminded once again of what a privileged position I hold for patients to be able to confide and trust in me the very first moment I see them. Through their eyes, I'm in a position of power, in a position to be able to help them. But through my eyes, I know just too well the limits of modern medicine...

Just the other day, Mr N came over from a foreign country to seek treatment for his advanced cancer. I could tell the son cared a lot for his father but wasn't too financially capable. Yet, he brought his dad over, as a private patient, to seek help. After a 1 week stay, with multiple consultations with different oncologists, with whatever little English Mr N could manage, he uttered: come to Singapore for treatment, no treatment... shaking his head along the way...

The helplessness, the frustration and the despair... coming all at once.. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't say anything. There are just too many things that even medicine today doesn't know and cannot solve. I'm reminded of the phrase: to cure sometimes to relieve often and to comfort always. How true these things hold. Curing is hard. Impossible sometimes. Relieving is usually done instead. Mr N was discharged on a whole ton of painkillers and nothing more. But comforting.. is something that can be done by anybody for anybody... Just another learning point which can be so easily lost in the practice of medicine...

Coping:

It's tough. It's really tough. Keeping up with the pace of work while still maintaining standards. Expectations are far beyond my capabilities. I can only hope to learn and to improve, God being my helper. It's only a start but I'm physically and mentally drained. I pray hard that I would never be spiritually drained. This is the path that God has placed me on and this is the path I will tread. And while I am weak, His strength is made perfect. LORD, help me to love the people around me just as You have loved me, to go through each day, knowing You are here beside me.